Is he being naughty or just being himself?

NAS75794 said:

He still doesn’t move saying he can’t and gets frustrated, angry and upset.

It sounds as if you are an excellent parent, and your son is lucky to have you. There is absolutely no need for him to have his iPad at the dinner table unless you are all using it in relation to the food you are preparing/eating, and you are perfectly right to set these boundaries. Do not falter, remain clear and consistent about these rules.  It has to be the same every day and under all circumstances without exceptions.  What you say has to be consistent and should not change or else he will learn that tantrums are effective in getting his own way. As an adult, he will benefit enormously from the stability and clarity of following house rules as a child. 

I would look into confiscating the iPad before the meal is ready so that it is not such an abrupt transition. You might also want to decorate the table with something interesting for him and everyone else.

You could also use the iPad yourself at the table to allow everyone to watch videos of the food you are all eating, or to watch a video of food being prepared. It can then be a teaching moment that the whole family can participate in. You might also turn it into an opportunity for a family quiz.

NAS75794 said:

I know that I would eventually be able to coax him to the dinning table but the time it would take would mean the food was cold.

This happened to me as a child. I was absolutely absorbed in what I was doing (playing with action figures). It only took a few times faced with cold food and on some occasions no food to learn that if I wanted to eat, I had to stop what I was doing and come to the table. I may have rushed my food to begin with, but eventually, I started to get used to the routine of being at the table and eating. Autistic children (and adults) need much firmer rules, and much stricter routines otherwise they can quickly adopt chaotic lifestyles. As children, they will pick up bad habits that will affect them in later life.  A routine is essential for them, and they will appreciate the routine once it has been established.

As an adult, I try to make mealtimes as interesting as possible. I try new food, or decorate my plate. Buy new plates, use new cutlery. Anything that makes it more interesting than simply eating. I am still prone to rushing my food because eating gets in the way of other things. But, by making it as interesting as possible, it keeps my attention.

NAS75794 said:

He still doesn’t move saying he can’t and gets frustrated, angry and upset.

It sounds as if you are an excellent parent, and your son is lucky to have you. There is absolutely no need for him to have his iPad at the dinner table unless you are all using it in relation to the food you are preparing/eating, and you are perfectly right to set these boundaries. Do not falter, remain clear and consistent about these rules.  It has to be the same every day and under all circumstances without exceptions.  What you say has to be consistent and should not change or else he will learn that tantrums are effective in getting his own way. As an adult, he will benefit enormously from the stability and clarity of following house rules as a child. 

I would look into confiscating the iPad before the meal is ready so that it is not such an abrupt transition. You might also want to decorate the table with something interesting for him and everyone else.

You could also use the iPad yourself at the table to allow everyone to watch videos of the food you are all eating, or to watch a video of food being prepared. It can then be a teaching moment that the whole family can participate in. You might also turn it into an opportunity for a family quiz.

NAS75794 said:

I know that I would eventually be able to coax him to the dinning table but the time it would take would mean the food was cold.

This happened to me as a child. I was absolutely absorbed in what I was doing (playing with action figures). It only took a few times faced with cold food and on some occasions no food to learn that if I wanted to eat, I had to stop what I was doing and come to the table. I may have rushed my food to begin with, but eventually, I started to get used to the routine of being at the table and eating. Autistic children (and adults) need much firmer rules, and much stricter routines otherwise they can quickly adopt chaotic lifestyles. As children, they will pick up bad habits that will affect them in later life.  A routine is essential for them, and they will appreciate the routine once it has been established.

As an adult, I try to make mealtimes as interesting as possible. I try new food, or decorate my plate. Buy new plates, use new cutlery. Anything that makes it more interesting than simply eating. I am still prone to rushing my food because eating gets in the way of other things. But, by making it as interesting as possible, it keeps my attention.