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Is he being naughty or just being himself?

NAS75794

My son is 6 years old and diagnosed with autism. He has speech and language delay but is able to communicate and understand simple concepts. I would welcome your advice on how to parent his behaviour. Example…he has been in school all day, he’s allowed his iPad when he gets in. We warn him dinner will be ready in 10 minutes, then again in 5 minutes, then a last warning to put the iPad down and go to the table for dinner. He still doesn’t move saying he can’t and gets frustrated, angry and upset. He knows he can’t have his iPad at the table but he will get it again after dinner. I know that I would eventually be able to coax him to the dinning table but the time it would take would mean the food was cold. In so many everyday situations like getting out of bed, climbing the stairs, sitting down, getting up etc he always says he can’t and he needs help. Is this him being difficult? How do I parent this without getting angry? Sometimes I have the time to give in to his demands but not all the time. I just don’t know what to do for the best, I hate getting angry with him and I don’t know what is bad behaviour and what is part of being autistic. 

Parents

  • A visual que or timer with a particular picture or sound to show him finish what you're doing and get ready for dinner then a it's dinner time.

    you could look at an app of some type to install on the ipad to countdown for him or a separate timer you start when you give him the ipad, make sure you clearly explain what it's for and what each picture or sound means before he starts using the ipad.

    once the first timer goes off remind him what it means (dinner's ready soon finish what you are doing)

    once the 2nd timer goes off remind him ok it's dinner time now put the ipad away.

    Give him a couple of minutes to put it away, if he's not putting it away a 3rd timer will go off and you put the ipad somewhere near the table that he can see but not reach saying he can have it back after dinner. The longer he takes to have dinner is the longer he has without it.

    Now the hard part,. leave him to come to dinner. If he wants the ipad he has to come to the table as that's where it is.

    Up to you but if you have something you can replace the ipad with that he can take to dinner he may respond to that.

    Heat up the dinner if you have to, it will take time for him to learn the pattern.

    Don't get angry at him as it will just make him associate dinner with anger, you want him to associate it with positive emotions; always be happy that he's come to join you at dinner.

    when he does happily put the ipad away and go to dinner provide a reward of some type, even just a small yay well done I'm proud of you so something small he likes would do.

    He may not completely get it at first, but just reinforce daily this is what this picture or sound means and he will understand. He's a very intelligent boy and will most likely understand more than you realize, he just struggles to express it in the same way that most other people express things(it's kind of like he speaks a different language).

    Routine's, visual & audio ques and timers should help. You need to express things in a way friendly to how he sees them.

Reply

  • A visual que or timer with a particular picture or sound to show him finish what you're doing and get ready for dinner then a it's dinner time.

    you could look at an app of some type to install on the ipad to countdown for him or a separate timer you start when you give him the ipad, make sure you clearly explain what it's for and what each picture or sound means before he starts using the ipad.

    once the first timer goes off remind him what it means (dinner's ready soon finish what you are doing)

    once the 2nd timer goes off remind him ok it's dinner time now put the ipad away.

    Give him a couple of minutes to put it away, if he's not putting it away a 3rd timer will go off and you put the ipad somewhere near the table that he can see but not reach saying he can have it back after dinner. The longer he takes to have dinner is the longer he has without it.

    Now the hard part,. leave him to come to dinner. If he wants the ipad he has to come to the table as that's where it is.

    Up to you but if you have something you can replace the ipad with that he can take to dinner he may respond to that.

    Heat up the dinner if you have to, it will take time for him to learn the pattern.

    Don't get angry at him as it will just make him associate dinner with anger, you want him to associate it with positive emotions; always be happy that he's come to join you at dinner.

    when he does happily put the ipad away and go to dinner provide a reward of some type, even just a small yay well done I'm proud of you so something small he likes would do.

    He may not completely get it at first, but just reinforce daily this is what this picture or sound means and he will understand. He's a very intelligent boy and will most likely understand more than you realize, he just struggles to express it in the same way that most other people express things(it's kind of like he speaks a different language).

    Routine's, visual & audio ques and timers should help. You need to express things in a way friendly to how he sees them.

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