Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone! This is all new to me! I have recently self identified as autistic at 56. I have been referred to and accepted by the autism assessment team but there is a 3 1/2 year waiting list. Since the penny dropped, I have become increasingly scared, bewildered, angry, depressed, feeling defective, and that my entire life has been a lie. I am I assume, high functioning, I have a masters degree, I have had good jobs, I have brought up a child alone whilst doing all of the above. At the moment I feel like I have opened pandoras box and really want to put the lid back on as I really don't like what's in it! I also feel like a bit of a fake in that I've got this far without any problems but realising that actually, I've always had problems. I guess I just want someone to say this is all normal? Thank you for reading!
I am 52 and been waiting 20 months for an assment and recognise lots of your emotions. I have never pushed myself on the career front, and university was never an option. Always knew I could never cope with having kids, but been married for 15 years.First of all you should be proud of the things you have achieved in your life. You have achieved things many 'normal' people never get to do.
I have suffered from depression for years, but now I have no idea what is autism and what is depression. I had always just about coped ok with normal life but that has now ended. Lost my dad to Covid last year, had to put my mum into care, and cope with lockdowns, it broke me. Foe me the key is becoming to understand who my autistic self is. He has always been supressed by part of my brain that tries to tell me what normal people would do in a situation. That part of my brain is now shot, and the autistic part is taking over.
I think you need to look forward to the future, accept who you are and look for the positivies and try to work with them.