Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I'm in my early 20's and just recently realized that I might be autistic or some other "variety" of neurodivergent. I have a lot of questions about this –– part of me is trying to convince myself that I'm faking it. My whole life I have been treated as and expected to act like a neurotypical person and I think I've gotten a little too good at it, to the point where even I am doubting myself. I am able to pass as neurotypical, if I can get into a routine I can be fairly successful. However, recently I've been feeling extremely burned out and my difficulty with social interactions (relationships, both platonic and romantic, are something I've struggled with my entire life) is reaching a fever pitch. I know this probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, especially not without knowing me or my whole story, but if anyone has any experience with diagnosis as an adult or any type of situation where others doubt that you are in fact neurodivergent I would love to hear your stories...
Trying to keep a brave face wears me out, big time. I have items everywhere, but don't have the energy to tidy up this evening.
Yes.
I think I figured out the question I was really trying to ask with this post which is this
Is it possible to mask so effectively that people don't believe you have autism/you are never diagnosed?
lol haha Someone happy in their own skin. That's what I like to hear!
That's what I rely on Davey. Nobody wants to be around me, it's glorious.
I never really knew what social masking was until after my diagnosis. I've always been interested in body language experts or books on how to talk to people and even motivational speakers, not realising that this is my way of seeking out ways of communicating and how to behave. I've always worked in customer based jobs, and still go home at the end of the day exhausted. I think what I've learnt about myself over the years is the only people who really know me is my girlfriend, and my family. I never realised how much of a developmental disorder ASD was until recently. I would talk to people your age and couldn't believe how intelligent or articulate they were not realising that it's taken me years to develop and grow up. It's such a spectrum and amazing to hear other peoples experience. But the number 1 thing I've learnt is that ASD is no guarantee of being a nice person. I have accepted over the years the importance need for me personally to continue social masking just to be part of society. No one wants to know a grump or an individual that just wants to be alone (but not lonely) lol.