57 Male. 40/50 score. Why didn’t I know!

Not self indulgent, all adults here can relate. We as a group are incredibly let down by services, even this one. Go ahead and scream it out, we are here even if we spin in our little planets your part of our universe.

I didn't know for years, it made my life Hell in early life. When I found out in my 20's it explained a lot. As for why nobody realised this until now? How messed up it ha made you and left your life?

Simple, nobody cared to look I'm afraid. I have found out, many times, people prefer it to be something "easy". Illness, stupidity, difficulty adapting, the list goes on...

The best thing you can do is find others like you, like all of us, to discuss it with. Talk to people who support people with Autism/Aspergers as well. Every little helps.

Learnt these things the hard way as I became something of a train wreck over time and only barely pulled back from the brink several times. Learn from my failings and have a better life.

I dug out my old school reports (as sent to my parents as opposed to their internal records). There were some interesting hints of issues, but it was explained/brushed aside as caused by  a bad childhood accident & my father dying.

It did however trigger some long forgotten memories that were interesting to re-view through the lens of autism.

Hi underwater, I can sympathize with what your saying.

I'm a similar age, and have somehow struggled to this point living a 'normal' live. 

But I've always known something was wrong, but never been able to put my finger on it, and afraid to push with the doctor for fear of being thought some sort of fraud.

I was diagnosed last week, and in a way it's a huge relief, but on the other hand I think, am I kidding myself, have they got it wrong, am I trying to blame my life on something.

Deep down I think they have got it right. But it still somehow difficult to give myself a break.

I'm hoping it will get easier to accept as time goes on, and it all sinks in.

I wish I could get my school records from juniors/infants to see if there was any mention of any signs of it then.

I'm sure the teachers must have noticed something before the masking  really got started.

Hopefully knowing about it from here on will make life easier for us and those around us

You are welcome, the A word is certainly a tough one to get around

Thanks for your supportive comments. Betrayal is a strong word. But my feelings of not being listened to by the medical profession, (my doctor) over many years are strong as well. A psychologist appointment was cancelled 7 times in as many months. During which time I was heavily sedated. I take ownership of my own mind, but having lost it, the help to find it wasn't there. 

I don't dwell on the A word. It dwells within me. However, like yourself, I have and am still finding ways to compartmentalise it, as best I can. 

Thanks, be safe.

Betrayal? Did they not tell you anything then? 

The doctors and shrinks were never honest with me, but in the 60's and 70's it was seen more as madness. I caught sight of my medical notes by mistake once and found out that way, but after a certain point the doctors got veery dismissive and treated me as a hypochondriac.

Anyway - hi. I don't dwell on the A word much in day-to-day life these days and have not been diagnosed as an adult. 

Done. Thanks for the tip

Thanks for all your kind words. Very much appreciated 

yea give yourself a nice name so u can be remembered and add hobbies to your profile

Welcome to a place where you can scream as loud as you like, we've all ended up in a situation like yours or related at some point. Why? Stress, Anxiety, Depression, any number of other mental health conditions, physical issues, frustration on a scale it's hard to articulate... Yes, the medical profession does let us down on occasion. Fortunately, the NAS is here to help-and so are all of us. Just bear in mind all of us are here because we need help as well.

NB: Please do set a profile name - all the NASxxx's get confusing!

Welcome.

This is a good forum for your self-indulgence - many here in a similar boat to yourself (I self-diagnosed a few years ago at 50).

I very briefly flirted with anger after I realised, but it was quickly replaced by relief/self-forgiving - I'd been silently carrying huge amounts of guilt for so many incidents over my life... now I understand why I reacted/behaved the way I did.

It was also pointed out to me that I was so good at masking, how could I expect brief interventions from the medicos to pick up my internal turmoil? I realise now that even when I was in couple's therapy with my wife I was trying to be open, but I lacked the language/framework to convey my inner thought processes that were (as you say) beaten deep inside me.

I suggest though that now you have a brilliant opportunity to forgive yourself past failings and re-arrange your life to suit your autism going forward. For years I struggled and didn't know why - so I couldn't really envisage a future where I would be happy. Now I know exactly how I want to live for the rest of my life. Getting there is proving somewhat harder than I hoped, but at least I have a dream now!