Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Sorry I've been posting on here such a lot recently. I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this.
Did you find it hard to come to terms with, when you first realised you might be autistic? I haven't yet been diagnosed, but I'm becoming more and more sure that I am autistic, the more I find out about autism and recognise the signs in myself.
I'm finding that it's very hard for me to concentrate on work at the moment, and I'm just feeling upset, tense and unsettled. Also really anxious.
I don't know if this is normal or if anyone else experienced this when you were at a similar stage?
I don't know if I should try to fight it and carry on as normal, or give myself a bit of slack and try to rest a bit more when I can.
I felt pretty much the same as you the only thing I would add to that is for me it was very confusing because I always struggled with my own sense of identity and as I was finding out on my own that I'm aspie it grounded me a lot because I could relate so much to what I was reading and watching etc that it blew away pretty much everything I thought about myself as a person. Which was both quite scary and relieving at the same time.
Hello O,
Thanks for sharing this. I'm interested to know, did you self-diagnose? You mentioned that you were finding out on your own that you were an Aspie. I guess I'm self-diagnosed at the moment, although I'm still waiting for an assessment. I'm pretty sure that I am, but sometimes I wonder what I will do if it turns out I'm not.
I can relate to what you say about being scared and relieved at the same time. Also about how your knowledge of autism blew away everything you thought about yourself as a person. I'm having a similar experience. I think I'm perhaps even starting to accept myself, which is something I've never been able to do so far.
I would like to add that I did it for me and it's something that I keep quite private in my life I'm open about it on here but day to day I don't really talk about it because it was just something I needed to help me understand my self better because (and this is something of a "symptom") I never felt "real" in the sense I always felt so different from everyone and so alone and I never knew why and it got me down so much. But now I know and there is a reason I feel a lot better in my self in the sense that I'm not going crazy. I have days where I doubt that I actually am but then I just look over the notes I made about my traits and then I realise that I'm not wrong and that it's hard because there is not way to feel what someone else feels, like trying to describe colours to blind person there's no common reference point that people can use especially for how you perceive the world all I know is that for me the world is different than how most people see it.
Hi sport,
Did you have another autism assessment? What was the outcome that you were hoping for (did you think that you might have something different)?