Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Sorry I've been posting on here such a lot recently. I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this.
Did you find it hard to come to terms with, when you first realised you might be autistic? I haven't yet been diagnosed, but I'm becoming more and more sure that I am autistic, the more I find out about autism and recognise the signs in myself.
I'm finding that it's very hard for me to concentrate on work at the moment, and I'm just feeling upset, tense and unsettled. Also really anxious.
I don't know if this is normal or if anyone else experienced this when you were at a similar stage?
I don't know if I should try to fight it and carry on as normal, or give myself a bit of slack and try to rest a bit more when I can.
I felt pretty much the same as you the only thing I would add to that is for me it was very confusing because I always struggled with my own sense of identity and as I was finding out on my own that I'm aspie it grounded me a lot because I could relate so much to what I was reading and watching etc that it blew away pretty much everything I thought about myself as a person. Which was both quite scary and relieving at the same time.
Hello O,
Thanks for sharing this. I'm interested to know, did you self-diagnose? You mentioned that you were finding out on your own that you were an Aspie. I guess I'm self-diagnosed at the moment, although I'm still waiting for an assessment. I'm pretty sure that I am, but sometimes I wonder what I will do if it turns out I'm not.
I can relate to what you say about being scared and relieved at the same time. Also about how your knowledge of autism blew away everything you thought about yourself as a person. I'm having a similar experience. I think I'm perhaps even starting to accept myself, which is something I've never been able to do so far.
Both I self diagnosed myself and then when I was sure I got a formal diagnosis to see if I was right because I didn't 100% know and a part of me though that I might have just held onto to it because I was struggling a lot at the time so I wanted a professional to assess me.
I had a bit of a breakdown in my mental health after Christmas it happens to me every so often it lasts for various amounts of time for as a long as I can remember and nothing I ever did to help me worked so I started looking into mental disorders and Personality disorders, I never thought of autism before because I didn't really know about it at all and my view of autism was like rain man or Harvey Price (really ignorant I know). But as I was reading I started to relate more and more and I looked into to it more and more I spent all day every day for about 2-3 months just reading and watching videos about autism in adults and undiagnosed autism and Aspergers etc and then I basically came to the conclusion I'm on the spectrum.
When I got my assessment the doc said that I was "A text book classic case of Aspergers syndrome" before it was a removed as a diagnosis.
That's pretty much my autism story in a nutshell, been diagnosed since march