Hi my daughter/son as asd. But as so many meltdowns were he bites his self punchs walls and bangs his head on floor. Hes also transgender wanting to be a boy instead of a girl.he dosnt go out of house cos of anxity. His safe place is his bedroom. He is 17 and i dont know what i can do to help him. Please can anyone give me advice . He also tells me he wishes he was dead.
That is not an appropriate response! Just because YOU don't understand or recognise transgenderism, you have no business spouting your hate on here. As usual, you have no idea what you're talking about but feel you should, as with every thread, stick your oar in. This mother needs advice, not transphobia!
The way you are engaging here is forceful - especially by refusing to even attempt to understand more pressing and important underlying issues.
The only person here speaking about mutilation is you. On repeat no less. Please stop. Take this fixation to a new thread if you must.
But to try and continue to force and shove everyone's face into something ESPECIALLY when suicide is mentioned, is not an ethical or caring way to behave.
I do understand your frustration. Let's take this thread elsewhere. I'm happy to talk this stuff through.
Taking my own advice, this probalby isn't appropriate for us to keep discussing.
Yes but unfortunately no one died and made you God.
What would be the point of crusading for any cause if no one actually heard what your vigour and intensities were about?
Allow yourself the time to become advanced enough so that you're not merely able to "see" the systems of oppression, but also, put in the hard work to be ablet to convey the systems in a welcome way which also says "You Matter".
Truth without love is a Lie. And love (if we speak of morals) involves patience and kindness and Self-Control (restraint, allowing for silence, allowing for others to be where they're at and affirming them.)
Unless you just like to hear yourself rant?
There are more wise ways of conveying your concern. It's not easy to learn how to do but well worth the effort.
Many of us here have communication and language issues. That doesn't help, that's a massive amount of Extra to cope with.
I had to learn how to align my words with what I genuinely felt and the first step to creating this congruity of self was to learn How to Not Respond Immediately. Restrain myself. Take a pause. Engage silence. and then write down - somewhere else - everything I wanted to respond with. Talk it out on a recording app. All the complexities of the problem. Put it away. Make a cup of tea. And come back to it later. Every Time I came back to it there were elements I missed. And the most important one was always the heart of the matter: Does this response really convey what I want it to? Ususally it didn't. Does this response help or cause more confusion? Do I really need to say this or is there something of deeper consequence at hand?
None of us wish to be misunderstood. Unfortunately, if you want to be heard, like any wise sage, you'll need to start with the fundamental element silence. The Dramatic Pause. Embrace it. Redirect your thoughts. Research how to convey something, open the thesarus and find the right sentiment. Create a response someone will welcome or a response that will help them Ask You for further advice! This takes a great deal of work, but you have the ability to become far more intelligent with the things you deeply care about and wise with how they're conveyed.
This just doesn't seem helpful - if these aren't things you personally struggle with, it's OK to not engage. In fact, there are so many topics and discussions, it might be useful to occasionally pass over a few and not add to the post, keep all your responses as 'secrets' or a pause for the cause. I don't like to create more confusion if it's needless.
Most of what you have said is better presented and served and exposed by a female who transitioned or thought about transitioning - from his/her or their perspective. Most of what you've stated doesn't get to the heart of this matter. Gender is completely irrelevant if I want to kill myself.
It's OK here to simply 1. allow yourself to feel the emotional turbulance of this individual and the individuals who hurt for them. And 2. Not respond or just say "I feel for you". It's OK to afford another a moment in their post and to let it be all about them. Creating a discipline or exorcizing ones need to info-dump when it's not about something enjoyable is worth the mental workout in a situation where: 1. it doesn't apply to my experience and 2. suicide is mentioned.
Although he is physically hurting himself, there's a lot of deep emotional pain going on as well. I wonder if he was heavily bullied, criticized or socially ostracized, maybe others didn't like him and treated him badly, so he has a hard time liking himself. I mean if there's people who have been harsh towards him and criticized him and didn't like him, then after a time, he'll begin criticizing himself and not liking himself.
I think it would be good if he could stop being around people who might be treating him badly, so that he can recover from the past, and have the freedom and the space to be himself. Sometimes people need permission or validation from others that they can be who they want to be, but if they are bullied and put down they can go into hiding and limit what they are capable of doing.
I mean many people with asd are very creative, and/or very rational and intelligent, and they can get really good at what they do, but in both instances they can become very isolated and depressed for not being like everyone else. But if they constantly compare themselves to everyone else, they'll never be happy, and I think that is true for anyone. I think that he should focus on what makes him happy, even if it's a scary thing for him to do.
I mean I've been in a negative states of mind before, but I rationalized that if the option of death seems like a more doable option than being happy in life, that living a happy and fulfilling life is harder of not impossible to do, then there's something weird going on. And then I look at my environment and the people within it, and take a look at what those people have been telling me. If they called me stupid, I used to just repeat it in my mind over and over again, "I'm stupid, I'm stupid, I'm stupid" for years, but then one day I tried to I rephrase it in the form of a question, "Am I really as stupid as they say I am?" And then that formed a goal in my mind to see if that was really the case, so I started studying in school and by the end I got straight A's to my disbelief. So it's important to test things out, especially about people judging you for who you are and what you're capable of doing in life.
Hello NAS74077,
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter/son meltdowns. The NAS website has a page about 'Autism and Gender Identity' which might be a good read for you: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism/autism-and-gender-identity
Also, there are many articles on meltdowns, such as this one: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences
Please have a read. All the best,
Karin Mod
edited tldr:
do not listen to all the shills on this site, they are writing virtue signalling comments for the sake of social points. i suspect alot of them are even NTs with the way they try to push a square peg into a round hole and then threaten everyone else with hate speech laws when people point out that doesnt fit there.
if you want true advice you wont get it here, all you will get is generic comments that are about as good as "thoughts and prayers" and when you get a good real comment everyone will get it deleted.... you cannot get advice here im sorry to say. too many lying NTs posing for social credit score here.
changing gender is like getting a tattoo these days.... most tattoos people regret but tattoos can be removed, although some still feel regret and trapped with those tattoos and dont know how to remove them... dont let social scientists and influencers force your daughter into doing something destructive, this is not a tattoo.... this is more permanent and damaging and there is many examples of regrets on this type of thing, like the guy that became the cat man, he regret that so much and couldnt undo it that ....well you can research it yourself.... be careful with these permanent changes and ignore all of these virtue signalling charlatans that will spout a load of generic nonsense that they feel you want to hear and feel that will give them some sort of social virtue points with others.... dont trust those people...
