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Feel Trapped by Life

O

I don't really know how to describe this feeling I have, It's just the feeling that I am not suited to the world I live in. I'm doing this course and it's great and it's interesting but at the same time I can't shake the feeling that there is something so wrong with finding a job plonking myself at a desk and that's me for the next 60 years or so,

Then at the same time I have no idea what else I would do because the society is set up in such a way that there isn't much of a choice and if you do operate outside the lines you'll just be considered a weirdo, crackpot, bum. Especially me in my situation with my family because they are all just so straight and narrow and live their lives and have no issues with anything apart from the odd problem that comes up that they have solve. They are happy coasting through life with 30 days a year of freedom from their jobs (if you can call it that because it has to end).

I just feel there is so much more to this 'existence' but I haven't the faintest idea about what else there is and how to get there and feel content. Sometimes I would love to just have simple life I have nice little job with nice little flat or house and just get along like that and other times I want to be able to earn 100s of thousands and live an extravagant life but then I understand what needs to be done do get to that point and that just doesn't seem like fun to me. I want to travel the world but I'm too anxious to do so, I want to be social and go out and have fun but I'm again too anxious to do so and I also have the social skills of rock, I want to find a nice girl that is nice, not a bimbo, has sense, that I find attractive. But I have no idea what women want especially my generation because for them there is no pride in being nice and respectable but it's empowering to just simply be a pain in the 4ss.

I don't know I hate rambling but I wanted to speak to you guys about this. 

Thanks, O 

  • in reply to Caelus

    Yeah - the CRT license does seem to fly in the face of the whole 'freedom' thing doesn't it lol

  • in reply to JJ

    was looking at narrowboats. too expensive. need at least 30k for a decent working narrowboat and will still have a holey hull. and then your still forced to pay like 1k to 2k per year to the CRT fascists for a license lol who then pester you and dont allow you to exactly live in peace on the canals.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Not as radical an idea as you might think!

    I know(/am acquainted with) people who live on Narrowboats on the canals, sailing boats, and also people who live in campervans full time. (And then there are communes etc)

    Being unconventional surely takes a lot of guts (or connections or independence or something) but I feel that being autisitc ought to give one a bit of a head start in unconventionality.

  • in reply to Plastic

    If I have to start drinking my wee, you guys are on your own!

  • in reply to Caelus

    hell should get a tanker and make our own floating free state lol
    food provided by fishing, rain collectors on deck for water and so on.

  • in reply to Caelus

    personally the only way out of it i can think of is life by some form of motorhome. preferably one not attached to land. so a boat.... not inland boat, one that can go outside of any government jurisdiction.

  • aye i always hated the one life template the gov forces us down.... they have banned any other path though.... your not allowed to live any other way but buy a house or rental accomodation that then turns you into a slave to pay for it eternally... in the end we are all slaves. our property is not our property, our property is the governments property and it ties us into servitude to pay so much for them that it takes your entire average wage just to pay for it. this is engineered slavery. and its made this way by the government for they only view us as a labour force, as slaves. everything else is banned. you try go to the woods and build your own hobbit home off grid or whatever, you will be arrested for trying to find a way outside of their one life template.

  • in reply to Plastic

    No good at the moment as it wouldn't fit next to my Dad's 'workshop'. I've kind of accepted that I'm going to have to live with family for some period of time, certainly need to stay with my folks until I leave the UK next year. I suppose I thought when I moved back I would be there to support family, but would still be able to follow my own plans. My family seems to think my plans should align with theirs. I'm not a housekeeper and I'm not a babysitter. But as much as I love him, my brother; let's call him Mr PhD, seems to think that's all I am.

  • in reply to Loz

    Would you consider living in your parents back yard?    One of those home-office buildings are cheap to build - your outgoings would then be very low-  enabling you to live separately but on their property until you save enough to put your plans into action.

  • I have a similar feeling. I feel like part of it is because I've been forced to slow down and think about things as a result of the pandemic. I often wonder how people can save money, buy a house and do all the things they seem to easily do. I certainly don't earn much of a wage, but it's not terrible either. I'm always struggling by the end of the month and have once again gotten into my credit card. I seem to do it so easily and I can certainly sort it out, but I'm always at a loss when people tell me they are struggling but can still afford to replace a tv or go on holiday and still deal with the bills and the credit card. I spend more money when I'm more depressed which is all the time at the moment, but I am actively trying to get on top of it.

    I'm moving back to Australia end of next year, I need to get everything paid off, and save some money before I go. But my brother was telling me that he, my parents and myself are going to pool our resources and buy a house together. I can't live with people, I've lived with my folks for the majority of my life and I know it's keeping me trapped in a cycle. When I go home, I want to buy a small plot of land at an Eco village that's a couple of hours from where my brother lives at the moment, build a small home and work within the village community so I don't have to travel which stresses me out. I thought I had plans but now my family is making changes and the truth is, I can't figure out how to afford to change those plans. My brother was shooting down my idea of the eco village, telling me 'it's about $100,000 per bedroom when you build a house as a general guideline'. I'm not convinced of that but again, I don't have any money to begin with and even though I should be paid off, by the time I fork out for travel and shipping costs, I won't have any money left when I arrive, so I'm going to have to live with family. 

    The only solution I have at the moment, is to deal with my debt, and keep working towards my goals. I'll either get there, or I'll get some kind of improvement that I didn't have before. Perhaps I will be able to afford to rent a place and live on my own instead? Perhaps I can use the living at home to my advantage and go back into studies. Now that I have the Autism puzzle piece, I think I could study better than I did last time when I wasn't aware of it. The one thing I have learned, is that sitting around waiting for things to happen is not helpful. I may not make it all the way, but I can do something. 

  • in reply to Daniel

    I disagree slightly - you know when you're in a bad situation and can take step to put yourself in somewhere preferable - I was just about to cash up and downsize to the countryside - a quieter life.

  • Try and let go of the idea of a good life, having an idea of a good life creates a duelistic perception of life.

    On dry days some people say it's good weather and that makes them unintentionally perceive wet days as bad or miserable weather. So to them "dry = good" and "wet = bad" when the truth is "dry = dry" and "wet = wet".

    The same principle applies to life and ourselves. "I is I" not "I is I am..." and "life is life" not "life is good/bad".  It's dropping all the illusions and concepts, letting go of the idea that happiness comes from gaining something. 

    Happiness is internal and a state of mind, if the mind is in a state of happiness the person will be happy no matter what the circumstances are.

  • in reply to O

    I'll find out soon - hoping for a good power-up - and maybe some battle-armour.  Smiley

  • in reply to O

    I'd have to update specifically when they post new vids - but a quick search should put you onto the right course.

    the sailing one is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpPCvsStba64VTs-dy2sRw

  • in reply to O

    do it

    get off this forum and get out

    I walk other peoples dogs :)

  • in reply to Plastic

    That's cool what are the names of the youtubers? 

  • in reply to Plastic

    Hopefully we're greeted with big screen that just says 'Level 2' once our eyes close for the last time and something new is presented 

  • in reply to O

    in the game of life you are recreated every minute  and when recreated every minute you have a choice to restart again because you are a new person

    I suggest u get more outside into the real world with as much nature as possible  --- start with a daily walk somewhere just to circulate your blood and get your vision system something real to look at. We tend to forget we are animals and need natures natural feedback