I don't really know how to describe this feeling I have, It's just the feeling that I am not suited to the world I live in. I'm doing this course and it's great and it's interesting but at the same time I can't shake the feeling that there is something so wrong with finding a job plonking myself at a desk and that's me for the next 60 years or so,
Then at the same time I have no idea what else I would do because the society is set up in such a way that there isn't much of a choice and if you do operate outside the lines you'll just be considered a weirdo, crackpot, bum. Especially me in my situation with my family because they are all just so straight and narrow and live their lives and have no issues with anything apart from the odd problem that comes up that they have solve. They are happy coasting through life with 30 days a year of freedom from their jobs (if you can call it that because it has to end).
I just feel there is so much more to this 'existence' but I haven't the faintest idea about what else there is and how to get there and feel content. Sometimes I would love to just have simple life I have nice little job with nice little flat or house and just get along like that and other times I want to be able to earn 100s of thousands and live an extravagant life but then I understand what needs to be done do get to that point and that just doesn't seem like fun to me. I want to travel the world but I'm too anxious to do so, I want to be social and go out and have fun but I'm again too anxious to do so and I also have the social skills of rock, I want to find a nice girl that is nice, not a bimbo, has sense, that I find attractive. But I have no idea what women want especially my generation because for them there is no pride in being nice and respectable but it's empowering to just simply be a pain in the 4ss.
I don't know I hate rambling but I wanted to speak to you guys about this.
Thanks, O