How to deal with a very nasty NT

example?

I tried donating a faceful C.S. gas to a bully in the 90's and lost most of my "friends" over it. 

Do what the weaker N.T's do. Find a sneaky way to take it to them, that won't blow up in your face. Preferably something that will cost them a lot of time, trouble & expense to resolve, and instills "uncertainty" in their nasty little minds... An example is provided below. 

I think i know what I'd do. I'd nip up to B&Q & purchase a few feet of 2inch square section wood and a BIG pot of evostik plus a paintbrush. 

Then as soon as you are sure she is asleep, glue each section to the door and doorframe to seal it shut using a decent amount of glue to get a strong bond by the morning.  

Then, when asked if it was you, you look 'em straight in the eye and deny it!

Because we Aspies don't lie very well your neighbour will KNOW it was you, but providing you DO NOT ADMIT IT under any circumstances, then you won't get in trouble. 

Just make sure there are no cameras covering her doorstep or those "smart doorbell" things and you should be good to go.

IF you HAVE to take action against NT's a combination of pretty harmless but weird and unsettling is the way to go.

IF you have money and are not too far away you could always pay me to do it. Ever since I conceived the idea, no one has given me an excuse to carry it out...

Forget using the law, they won't help you, and in fact will probably side with your neighbour if they get a sniff of "not right" about you like they usually do with us Aspies/Autists.

Although a private prosecution (if you have the stomach and persistence) in the small claims court CAN work IF you have a good representative. I've tried most of the ways I can think of of taking it to the NT's who pick on me since I was old enough to push back, and although nasty, they are usually turn out to be far less resourceful or determined to prevail than I am once I get properly engaged.

In fact my pacifism these days, is based on the fact that although I am rather good at pushing back, I don't like the guilt I feel (sometimes) when I see how weak the NT mind actually is. The guy I sued, (and sued, and sued, remorselessly and without mercy, just as he treated me) broke psychologically under the strain of fighting me, and is actually dead now.

We are not "weak", we are merely unsuited to their way of doing things which puts us at a HUGE disadvantage if we play the game they want us to, so don't do that.

USE your out of the box thinking skills if they want to mess with you, most of them have nothing of similar power, and will crumble quite quickly. Identify whatever power they have, and make sure you fight them in a way that invalidates that power.

I've even used extreme niceness and concern for my oppressors well being very successfully indeed on occasion, with people who genuinely got the wrong idea about me, and just needed to be brought to the realisation that I am not trying to offend,or take advantage, but for a depressingly large amount of NT's that is not enough sadly, so they have to be deterred by other means.

That's the reason that the Taliban or North Vietnamese regulars have been so successful against all comers. They don't fight as their enemies would like them to. I've been reading SunTzu's "art of war" recently, (It is mercifully short!) and there is a fair bit of good advice to be had in there.

Please, everyone who reads this, just stop taking their *** or it will NEVER END.

About the exaggerating thing - something I'm realising is how us autistic people really do prefer truth and being real. So, what I said was probably a bit pointless really!

I said it because I've supported someone else involved with a neighbourly dispute (who I have no idea if they are ND or NT or mental health issues) but they got very desperate. They felt they had no options, no support and got to that point where they felt they weren't being heard by authorities. I believe it is a human thing to feel desperate and to take desperate measures at some point in time. This may mean our usual behaviours cross the boundaries of what we would normally do.

I know I said it before, but I was not suggesting you were exaggerating or that you definitely would. Only that I was reminded of the above person's case and how it didn't help them. When they focused more on genuine evidence gathering, they received more support and were heard more.

NAS49761 said:

I don't know if I'm explaining this well at all, but it's kind of like 'over-reacting' I don't really understand that, a person reacts or doesn't react.

Yeah, this is why I'm thinking my mentioning about exaggerating wasn't useful for you. Be yourself with whatever reactions that includes. Sounds like you already are.

About the CCTV thing through the window - this idea was only that you can set up any camera to point out of a window, rather than need to have it permanently attached to the outside of your house. A friend has one on the windowsill of a front, downstairs window to point at the front doorstep area. It seemed like a cheaper and easier set up, but not sure if this is true.

Hope all improves for you with the neighbour, and soon.

Hello Mantra, that's really good you managed to get something set up to help you feel safe.

Mantra said:

Hopefully this is obvious, but do not be tempted to make up or exaggerate her effects on you just in case you are questioned later

Hello Mantra, thanks for all this information.

I've quoted the above as this is something which often confuses me, how does a person exaggerate or 'make-up' how something effects them? I mean, there is only my lived experience of something as I experience it. If this is ever 'questioned' what could you possibly say to that when it's your experience? Doesn't that really mean they don't believe you? and if that's the case, then its hopeless.

I don't know if I'm explaining this well at all, but it's kind of like 'over-reacting' I don't really understand that, a person reacts or doesn't react.

I have looked into CCTV but it is very expensive to have it fitted. I've looked at doing it myself, but as usual my ASD issues get in the way of getting caught up in research about it all and not being able to decide which system to go for so that hasn't progressed, remain at a stalemate with it.

I can't find any you mention that work through the window? Although I may well be getting caught up in some other details and missing this.

I also don't wish to share more details than this, but I've been in a similar situation. My house was vandalised in the night while I slept and I should have heard as I'm a light sleeper. But the hate was not meant to be directed at me - but at the person who owns the house. I was left shaken for weeks and still feel affected years later. Now have CCTV running 24/7 and been quiet ever since, thankfully.

I know you said the neighbour is NT, but I actually wonder whether she isn't and/or is suffering from mental ill health. It's worth bearing this in mind - not only might this explain her behaviour, but this could be a subject you bring up at some point if you need, with an authority of some sort. THEY may also need help and it may not be good for them to be in society based on their ill health and negative impact on others. Her behaviour is not that of a healthy, happy, un-stressed person.

I'd recommend keeping a notebook to log dates, times and descriptions of what happens, as soon as it happens.

Take photos where you are able to without provoking any more unwanted behaviour from her (e.g. discretely through a window if she nearby).

Don't do anything in return, but keep a record of as much as possible.

It's also possible to purchase some kind of CCTV (even just a computer camera) that you can have indoors and have the camera facing outside to where any events usually happen, recording 24/7 or at times things usually happen. I don't know if this is still true, but it was legally okay to film from inside a house to outside in any direction a decade or so ago. This means you could have a camera running constantly and store video clips if that would capture the issues. It would give you evidence to pass on to various authorities.

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As for how to deal with it cognitively and emotionally - that is going to depend on you. What do you need right now and each day? E.g. If you need blocks of quiet time or privacy, can you go somewhere else where you can guarantee that for a period of time each day?

You may want something like counselling for this if it is affecting so badly that you need to go to hospital twice in a week. Make a note of all this because these are genuine ways you are being negatively affected and your quality of life is being impacted. (Hopefully this is obvious, but do not be tempted to make up or exaggerate her effects on you just in case you are questioned later. I am not doubting what you shared at all - only that in desperate times anyone could be tempted to go to desperate measures... eventually! The more honest you are, the more powerful your evidence.)

No need to reply with give more detail or anything like that, I understand you can't share more. Hope this helps.

Hello K, I don't know why, but I find that funny! I like it.

Hello Caelus, yip, that already happened!

Pepper spray!

actually thats good advice ask for the incident/crime number and keep adding events to the same  crime number and eventually the police have to act.

i wouldnt cope emotionally, if someone went out of their way to insert themselves into my life in a nasty way id probably lash out at them. which is precisely why i didnt give any advice on this thread lol

thats ok

If you've got a load of that stuff ask to speak to a more senior officer.

Sadly, in common with all the services right now, resources are stretched and they are slow to get involved in "volume crime", while they trying to stay on top of murders, terrorism and such, but there may well be an offence here and they are obliged to act. You just might have to push a bit. Not fair, I know.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

How would you cope with this cognitively and emotionally especially? I've been in an extreme situation for example of trying to manage all the thoughts and emotions of this experience, it is I think the worse experience of a person I've encountered. 

no its from saturday night live

That’s your prerogative... but with out at least some detail I don’t see how you can get meaningful advice.

Hello Peter, as I said in earlier post, I'm not providing detail.

Be sure of move as u can,cos i went from one bad place to another,with more idiots for neighbours.