How to deal with a very nasty NT

I know you said the neighbour is NT, but I actually wonder whether she isn't and/or is suffering from mental ill health. It's worth bearing this in mind - not only might this explain her behaviour, but this could be a subject you bring up at some point if you need, with an authority of some sort. THEY may also need help and it may not be good for them to be in society based on their ill health and negative impact on others. Her behaviour is not that of a healthy, happy, un-stressed person.

I'd recommend keeping a notebook to log dates, times and descriptions of what happens, as soon as it happens.

Take photos where you are able to without provoking any more unwanted behaviour from her (e.g. discretely through a window if she nearby).

Don't do anything in return, but keep a record of as much as possible.

It's also possible to purchase some kind of CCTV (even just a computer camera) that you can have indoors and have the camera facing outside to where any events usually happen, recording 24/7 or at times things usually happen. I don't know if this is still true, but it was legally okay to film from inside a house to outside in any direction a decade or so ago. This means you could have a camera running constantly and store video clips if that would capture the issues. It would give you evidence to pass on to various authorities.

---

As for how to deal with it cognitively and emotionally - that is going to depend on you. What do you need right now and each day? E.g. If you need blocks of quiet time or privacy, can you go somewhere else where you can guarantee that for a period of time each day?

You may want something like counselling for this if it is affecting so badly that you need to go to hospital twice in a week. Make a note of all this because these are genuine ways you are being negatively affected and your quality of life is being impacted. (Hopefully this is obvious, but do not be tempted to make up or exaggerate her effects on you just in case you are questioned later. I am not doubting what you shared at all - only that in desperate times anyone could be tempted to go to desperate measures... eventually! The more honest you are, the more powerful your evidence.)

No need to reply with give more detail or anything like that, I understand you can't share more. Hope this helps.

Mantra said:

Hopefully this is obvious, but do not be tempted to make up or exaggerate her effects on you just in case you are questioned later

Hello Mantra, thanks for all this information.

I've quoted the above as this is something which often confuses me, how does a person exaggerate or 'make-up' how something effects them? I mean, there is only my lived experience of something as I experience it. If this is ever 'questioned' what could you possibly say to that when it's your experience? Doesn't that really mean they don't believe you? and if that's the case, then its hopeless.

I don't know if I'm explaining this well at all, but it's kind of like 'over-reacting' I don't really understand that, a person reacts or doesn't react.

I have looked into CCTV but it is very expensive to have it fitted. I've looked at doing it myself, but as usual my ASD issues get in the way of getting caught up in research about it all and not being able to decide which system to go for so that hasn't progressed, remain at a stalemate with it.

I can't find any you mention that work through the window? Although I may well be getting caught up in some other details and missing this.

About the exaggerating thing - something I'm realising is how us autistic people really do prefer truth and being real. So, what I said was probably a bit pointless really!

I said it because I've supported someone else involved with a neighbourly dispute (who I have no idea if they are ND or NT or mental health issues) but they got very desperate. They felt they had no options, no support and got to that point where they felt they weren't being heard by authorities. I believe it is a human thing to feel desperate and to take desperate measures at some point in time. This may mean our usual behaviours cross the boundaries of what we would normally do.

I know I said it before, but I was not suggesting you were exaggerating or that you definitely would. Only that I was reminded of the above person's case and how it didn't help them. When they focused more on genuine evidence gathering, they received more support and were heard more.

NAS49761 said:

I don't know if I'm explaining this well at all, but it's kind of like 'over-reacting' I don't really understand that, a person reacts or doesn't react.

Yeah, this is why I'm thinking my mentioning about exaggerating wasn't useful for you. Be yourself with whatever reactions that includes. Sounds like you already are.

About the CCTV thing through the window - this idea was only that you can set up any camera to point out of a window, rather than need to have it permanently attached to the outside of your house. A friend has one on the windowsill of a front, downstairs window to point at the front doorstep area. It seemed like a cheaper and easier set up, but not sure if this is true.

Hope all improves for you with the neighbour, and soon.

About the exaggerating thing - something I'm realising is how us autistic people really do prefer truth and being real. So, what I said was probably a bit pointless really!

I said it because I've supported someone else involved with a neighbourly dispute (who I have no idea if they are ND or NT or mental health issues) but they got very desperate. They felt they had no options, no support and got to that point where they felt they weren't being heard by authorities. I believe it is a human thing to feel desperate and to take desperate measures at some point in time. This may mean our usual behaviours cross the boundaries of what we would normally do.

I know I said it before, but I was not suggesting you were exaggerating or that you definitely would. Only that I was reminded of the above person's case and how it didn't help them. When they focused more on genuine evidence gathering, they received more support and were heard more.

NAS49761 said:

I don't know if I'm explaining this well at all, but it's kind of like 'over-reacting' I don't really understand that, a person reacts or doesn't react.

Yeah, this is why I'm thinking my mentioning about exaggerating wasn't useful for you. Be yourself with whatever reactions that includes. Sounds like you already are.

About the CCTV thing through the window - this idea was only that you can set up any camera to point out of a window, rather than need to have it permanently attached to the outside of your house. A friend has one on the windowsill of a front, downstairs window to point at the front doorstep area. It seemed like a cheaper and easier set up, but not sure if this is true.

Hope all improves for you with the neighbour, and soon.