# Daily updates 3 # by aidie

i hate when no one covers when u go on leave  and it justs piles up ---- its just so disorganised

well done

Moved into a new position at work with more pay, shorter hours and four days more leave.

Had a really tough week at work so far, after being on vacation last week -  of course, no one really covered my job so have been running around like a headless chicken..I have been that close to a meltdown.

got a load more work completed today but i am starting to show signs of stress and exhaustion.

thats really good of them to allow you out of some meetings. I always ask am i really needed in this meeting ?

Had a good conversation with bosses this week who have agreed to excuse me from some of the daily meetings so I don't get overloaded. Things have been a little pressured on the team of late - some folk are starting to relax (which is good), others are becoming more restless.

Definitely feeling better in that I feel "normal tired" instead of that seemingly permanent and heavy exhaustion. 

Freedom 2 Tyranny 0. :)

Also, got a massage this afternoon and did the lawn this evening.

Good day, all told.

after 2 years of working from home on my sofa i bought and setup a desk  today

Hopefully this with up my productivity ?

yes on one of my walks i automatically breath easier and stop all work related thought immediately

i can now follow my breath without breath counting and can keep a mantr going easily in my head

It takes practise. I'm doing a mindfulness course at the moment. If it doesn't work one day then oh well. I have found myself to be quite mindful already but there's no such thing as being TOO mindful. But ive started noticing a lot more on my walks. Do you find its more automatic for you now? Im trying to chip away at the recurrent thoughts too with breath work.

no the sensory part is just the same but now i just wear sunglasses and headphone to deal with that and like u use mindfulness  to prevent ( try )  getting hung on on any one thing if i can.

I notice way more detail now as I practice the Zen technique of "baby eyes". eg notice leaves, small sounds , wildlife all around  me etc etc

That sounds positive and if you ferl it's better that's great. So that's the social side of things and repetitive behaviours ie tjoughts. What about other aspects like sensory or executive function? Have they changed? I'm trying to be more mindful and kind to myself now if things get overwhelming. I feel with a diagnosis I have that permission. 

i could withdrawn i guess but i just do them. they come about twice a year.

I think i am more sociable,, able to make friends,, and talk to people. Everything i couldn't do 2  -3 years ago and before that.

My autistic shutdowns have almost gone, my anxiety, and depression reduced considerably to 5% of what it was.

I watch my thoughts, challenge, and see though delusions, dualistic thinking,  labels and repetitive thinking/behaviours better than before. I'll stop.

i practice Zen and can see the similarities with CBT

yes it teaches u when u practice ( zazen ) , u practice, 

if u fail or succeed in your practice u keep going  there is no right or wrong there is "just is". 

Dont get hung up on what i say, just think of it as the same as CBT, which i fully approve of.

Can you not withdraw? That's interesting you don't get any feedback. What do you think has shifted?  Your progress sounds good! Through CBT I've learned not to see it as good or bad days. Because if I have a good day, I'm setting myself up for a fall when I have a bad day.  So now they are just days. 

i wish i had not  volunteered i have to fill in big long questionnaires. They can take a while to complete and after a days work it the last thing u want to do

Everything is anonymous. I dont get any results or even an indication where they end up which is fine by me.

i used to have nothing but bad days ( 2 yers ago )  not now its 90% good 10% shitty. The bad days are diminishing so by December it could be 95% 5%  

How do you feel about it? What was the outcome? I feel a relatively normal day isnt an ongoing thing usually!

i was retested as part of a research project into autistic adults a few days ago.   ---- It made me consider if my behaviours had shifted ???? my manager says i have greatly improved so what i am doing is working 

Having a relatively normal day today and so questioning my diagnosis.

yes what did i do all last year LOL?