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When someone is obsessed with you...

stranger

I am probably going to sound a like hypocrite here, given that I am obsessed with someone. (in my case, it's someone else on the spectrum)

Basiclaly, there's a man who attends a few clubs that I go to who is obsessed with me. He kept contacting me last week and it was just nonsense. (ie, he didn't really have anything to say) He was told to stop contacting me and that we can't meet up. He then left me a voice mail (He'd left 5 by then) and I told him again to leave me alone.

That was Friday. Turned my phone on yesterday and received another message from him. He basically said he has OCD, etc. and it felt like he was just trying to make me feel guilty. I replied again and told him to leave me alone.

I saw him last night and he wouldn't leave me alone. Because we were with others, I couldn't tell him to leave me alone. He's asked me if I'm going out Thursday and I said no. Partly because I don't want to and because I don't want to see him.

This all started because I study Law, he's got issues with depression and OCD, has had a run in with the police (he was involved in a fight) and thinks that I can help him. I can't help him and don't see why I should when he's being like this with me. Someone has told me I should be friends with him. But why? I'm getting nothing out of this, apart from frustration and generally feeling pissed off. I've got my own issues I need to deal with and don't see why I should deal with his issues; espacially when we've only known each other for a few months.

He did tell me last night that he'll leave me alone. I don't think he will. When I said "please stop contacting me", I did mean no texting, no phone calls / voice mail and no talking me. I will be civil with him; but I don't want to talk to him.

  • Thanks. I did ask a few other people about this. One group said what you two have said and others said I should be friends with him and get to know him better. Apparently, ignoring him is unfair. Unfair? So is contacting me all the time expecting to deal with his problems.

  • Stranger, you have tried the rational approach, get someone in authority to talk to him, say your support worker, failing that,, phone the police about harassment, he has a track record with them. Your cognitive and physical safety is paramount.

     

  • Thanks. I have discussed this with a few people and many of them have said that I need to block his number. On the subject of blocking people, you can do this on Facebook if you haven't done it yet. Thankfully, he doesn't have the internet, nor does he have my surname; so he shouldn't be able to find me on Facebook. (and my profile picture isn't me)

    I have a meeting with my support worker on Monday; so will see if she can give me any help.

  • Hi stranger. You could be writing about my experience with a young man who attended a group I went to. He has Aspergers, like me, but he is also paranoid and hears voices. He got very obsessed with me, and was sometimes rude and verbally obnoxious, telling me that I am a snob, a stuck-up cow, amongst other things. He accused me of ignoring him when I did not instantaneously respond to his Facebook messages.

    This guy has a split personality. He can be very nice and friendly, and before I knew about the other side to him, we met up now and again at a local cafe. He comes across as fairly high-functioning, and if he did not become verbally abusive, you would just think he was a shy and very affable young man. So initially I was shocked when he turned nasty. It happened during an informal group visit to a cafe, and there were about 5 of us - we all have Aspergers. He accused us of ignoring him, despite making no attempt to join in himself. As we walked back, he shouted out at us, and stormed off in a mood.

    Since then, he started to pester me on Facebook. But then, one day, he sent me a message saying he fancies me and that he can't stop thinking about me. I don't fancy him, and told him this. It took a while, but I think he has eventually got the message. However, he still pesters me from time to time. Because I am now used to it, I can make light of it, and don't get offended anymore. Thankfully, he no longer attends the Asperger social group.

    I can't really offer much advice, but seeing the humour in these situations always helps, and try not to take it personally. Talking to someone else, maybe a support worker, might also help. They might be able to mediate on your behalf, by talking to the person in question, telling him how you feel. Technically it is harrassment, and you should be able to get some impartial support.