for all people suffering ,,,,,stop blaming others,,,,,,, zen

I agree, but it's difficult. Those of us who have been late diagnosed (including myself) have been through a lifetime of bullying, failure, lack of support etc. It is difficult not to be bitter about it.

yes it is difficult for everyone, including all non-autistics, to stop blaming others.

However, there is such a thing as minority stress and this is experienced by many autistics.  Being in the majority confers a certain privilege and also power, which is liable to be misused.  So, if ever you've felt singled out for bullying or mistreatment at school, in the workplace or more generally, you're probably correct in assuming that you're experiencing a different level of difficulty.

To me the urge to "Stop blaming others", though perhaps well intentioned, can feeling like shifting the blame towards the victim - "Well, you've suffered all of this at the hands of others but now you're just being un-Zen like to feel bitter and blaming too!"

I actually think there's some merit in apportioning blame and, say, considering a responsibility pie chart.  Otherwise some will actually take on the additional burden of feeling it's all their own fault.  Then maybe the difficult emotions can be to some extent channelled away from the self, responsibility can be appropriately assigned and energies can be shifted into positive actions, providing an impetus for change. 

I can, of course, also reflect and meditate and dissipate any emotional distress I'm going through.  I dont want to dissolve into a welter of bitterness, after all.  I can also forgive, let go and move on.  But at the end of the day the damage is there, it often continues to be perpetrated against minority groups and, although individual change is helpful and constructive, change on a cultural and societal level is also needed.  

thanks for contributing to my discussion

It is very dangerous (as well I know) to expect what works for you, to automatically work for others.   

Or as my (thankfully departed) Dad used to say, "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink".

We all need to find our own way, and generalising about others, just alienates them if they have not yet reached the place where you are at.

Do remember that Autism is perhaps the most annoying condition in the world, both for the Autists and those who have to cope with our little ways. 

You know, I think it's about time for a "finding your superpower" thread where we discuss what's actually GOOD about being the way we are.. 

because the nice zen lady told me and i believe her because she was right in my case

because the nice zen lady told me and i believe her because she was right in my case

thanks for contributing to my discussion

It is very dangerous (as well I know) to expect what works for you, to automatically work for others.   

Or as my (thankfully departed) Dad used to say, "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink".

We all need to find our own way, and generalising about others, just alienates them if they have not yet reached the place where you are at.

Do remember that Autism is perhaps the most annoying condition in the world, both for the Autists and those who have to cope with our little ways. 

You know, I think it's about time for a "finding your superpower" thread where we discuss what's actually GOOD about being the way we are..