"Just be yourself"

Honestly, I try to stick with the attitude of non-judgement as I know I have my own quirks and nobody likes being judged - I come in with a lot of love for how people are and hope I can be welcomed for that. Risks are tough but the results definitely make a difference in our lives. Worth taking sometimes for sure.

i feel you. i am very similar. i made a post asking for advice. but you basiclly have got same thigns to me in a sense when in a socail situation. 

boom !   followed by 

Yes, massively. People say just be yourself and you'll be fine. If i was being myself I wouldn't leave the house and I'd be in my room reading books for most of the day. But oh well, I've got a bit of a life now. Women can pick up on this straight away. They know when you aren't being yourself. Masking helps for a while but it's hard to keep up the pretence constantly. 

I generally tend to avoid situations where I have to mask as much as possible.

What a wonderful and thoughtful response - thank you so much. You're completely right. I try to think about how there's so many people in the world, how it's difficult to comprehend the complexity of everyone's lives in a crowd, that there will always be someone better. It gives comfort that the little anxieties of socializing don't matter to others. I once took up a creative job and said screw it, let's just be who I want in this job... yeah, I got some raised eyebrows and laughs but I was told these quirks about me make me a much more interesting person. They'd rather know someone unique in their own way than just another face in the background. I do like being in the background, but I also shouldn't be afraid of showing my colours. <3

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kigurumi 

We do ComicCon at The Excel most years and some major invite-only events around the country.        We're active on various scenes  - lots of pups and handlers.    Good doggies!           We've done a good few 'equestrian' events too.   

I think it's really interesting! It's great to learn about people's passions and see their eyes light up, even if you don't share that interest. It helps to have an open mind. The path of not masking our personalities seems to be the harder one, but it's a leap of faith when we do and sometimes it pays off. Our brains like to convince us of negativity that isn't there. 

I have similar thought patterns, so I emphasize. Something I try to remind myself is that I'm not alone, even in social struggles. I try to think about how I judge others in social situations and their failures - I'm very accepting of people and so I hope and expect others can be the same. We're too worried about ourselves to waste time judging others. You're not the failure you perceive yourself to be. 

Oh, that sounds interesting! What does KIG mean? I'm glad you've been able to have that experience :) 

I have a few Kig friends and also I know some pro-models that do the conventions - their costumes are amazing.     We've done a few photo shoots with some big name photographers - some more well known in the fetish / alternate world.

Some of the most fun people I've met at anime conventions seem to be furries. And Ironically this seems to be one of the few places they are welcomed even among the nerds. Sci-fi / table top nerds not so friendly to furryies in my experience. Anime nerds are a lot more laid back, its very much a 'so what if they are degens, we're all degens here' attitude. Ah the things i've seen at anime conventions ... memories that others have tried hard to repress lol

I've missed out yes but I know there are plenty of places where I tried to be my self and got shown the door. I don't think being more open about my true self would have made me any more friends but being more willing to take risks earlier in my life, in going new places and trying new things might. There are many places i've gone and things I've tried I wish happened sooner.

Hi Plastic! Thanks for showing an interest :)

I have two OC's, one in the pony and furry communities respectively. At the moment I like being a sky blue rabbit on VRChat and being all cutesy as I interact with my friends. I've never cosplayed but if I had the talent, that could be fun! I'd love to experiment with girl clothes if I had the independence and lived alone. 

This is a great piece of motivation, thank you so much! 

It's comforting to know people go through similar, makes the world a little less lonely ️

It's a PsychOp.

Jack Blue said:

I decided long ago that I prefer to have a small group of close-knit friends, rather than having lots of friends that I don't know that well (which seems to be the expectation, especially with things like Facebook where everybody feels pressured to be 'friends' with hundreds of people and have a superficial knowledge of the details of their lives. I've come off Facebook and all other social media except YouTube, and that helped me feel less social pressure

Agreed 100%! I deactivated Facebook and feel so much happier for it. I don't really want to see what hundreds of randoms are up to. Humans are hard-wired to have a maximum of 100 connections, so having hundreds of Facebook "friends" is unnatural.

I think a message that really helped me come to grips with my AS is that different is not bad.

To start with, normal doesn't exist. We're all very different people, but for some reason there's this myth that there's a way we're "supposed" to be. I have a suspicion that quite a lot of people, if not most, change things about themselves (on the surface, at least), to fit this image. Being ultra-social is one of these expectations that everybody is "supposed" to adhere to. But some of us just aren't built that way, and that's OK!

There willl be times when you have to put on a show of being social, because we all experience these sorts of occasions (weddings, work events, etc.). But for the most part, if you're not comfortable being in highly social situations, don't feel that you're forced to! I decided long ago that I prefer to have a small group of close-knit friends, rather than having lots of friends that I don't know that well (which seems to be the expectation, especially with things like Facebook where everybody feels pressured to be 'friends' with hundreds of people and have a superficial knowledge of the details of their lives. I've come off Facebook and all other social media except YouTube, and that helped me feel less social pressure).

Essentially, work out what's comfortable for you, and do that. What do you gain from pretending to be more social than you really are? To me that sounds like a recipe for exhaustion.

As for being geeky/spending lots of time online/being bisexual/etc - don't worry about it! People in those communities understand you. You don't really need to impress everyone in the world, or strive to be 'normal'. It's enough to find a group of people who understand you well and have their approval, because no matter how hard you try, you'll never be accepted by EVERYONE. There's a saying I like: "you can be the juiciest peach, but there'll always be someone who doesn't like peaches". Don't pay attention to the people who don't like peaches, because they're not the people you're going to get on well with anyway, and trying to seem "acceptable" to absolutely everyone is an impoossible task. Can't be done. Just focus on other people who like peaches

Yep. When I'm "myself", I'm either silly and child-like, or very geeky and talking about random facts (I spend a lot of my spare time reading books and articles), which seems to bore people. Whenever I meet new people, which is rare, I either clam up or end up masking them heavily/agreeing with everything they say. 

I find it really hard to not feel sad about all the social situations that have gone wrong. The friends who weren't friends. The times I have embarrassed myself. I can feel like a complete failure.

I'm trying to look at my life as finding my niche. That I am different, but that I am okay. 

Trying to feel that the small number of friends that I have is enough for life to be okay. And that has helped working on that.

I don't think I can be myself most of the time, but I can be close enough for me to feel that I am still me. And that when I have time out from everyone, I can be just myself. It can be hard though.