"Just be yourself"

I think a message that really helped me come to grips with my AS is that different is not bad.

To start with, normal doesn't exist. We're all very different people, but for some reason there's this myth that there's a way we're "supposed" to be. I have a suspicion that quite a lot of people, if not most, change things about themselves (on the surface, at least), to fit this image. Being ultra-social is one of these expectations that everybody is "supposed" to adhere to. But some of us just aren't built that way, and that's OK!

There willl be times when you have to put on a show of being social, because we all experience these sorts of occasions (weddings, work events, etc.). But for the most part, if you're not comfortable being in highly social situations, don't feel that you're forced to! I decided long ago that I prefer to have a small group of close-knit friends, rather than having lots of friends that I don't know that well (which seems to be the expectation, especially with things like Facebook where everybody feels pressured to be 'friends' with hundreds of people and have a superficial knowledge of the details of their lives. I've come off Facebook and all other social media except YouTube, and that helped me feel less social pressure).

Essentially, work out what's comfortable for you, and do that. What do you gain from pretending to be more social than you really are? To me that sounds like a recipe for exhaustion.

As for being geeky/spending lots of time online/being bisexual/etc - don't worry about it! People in those communities understand you. You don't really need to impress everyone in the world, or strive to be 'normal'. It's enough to find a group of people who understand you well and have their approval, because no matter how hard you try, you'll never be accepted by EVERYONE. There's a saying I like: "you can be the juiciest peach, but there'll always be someone who doesn't like peaches". Don't pay attention to the people who don't like peaches, because they're not the people you're going to get on well with anyway, and trying to seem "acceptable" to absolutely everyone is an impoossible task. Can't be done. Just focus on other people who like peaches

I think a message that really helped me come to grips with my AS is that different is not bad.

To start with, normal doesn't exist. We're all very different people, but for some reason there's this myth that there's a way we're "supposed" to be. I have a suspicion that quite a lot of people, if not most, change things about themselves (on the surface, at least), to fit this image. Being ultra-social is one of these expectations that everybody is "supposed" to adhere to. But some of us just aren't built that way, and that's OK!

There willl be times when you have to put on a show of being social, because we all experience these sorts of occasions (weddings, work events, etc.). But for the most part, if you're not comfortable being in highly social situations, don't feel that you're forced to! I decided long ago that I prefer to have a small group of close-knit friends, rather than having lots of friends that I don't know that well (which seems to be the expectation, especially with things like Facebook where everybody feels pressured to be 'friends' with hundreds of people and have a superficial knowledge of the details of their lives. I've come off Facebook and all other social media except YouTube, and that helped me feel less social pressure).

Essentially, work out what's comfortable for you, and do that. What do you gain from pretending to be more social than you really are? To me that sounds like a recipe for exhaustion.

As for being geeky/spending lots of time online/being bisexual/etc - don't worry about it! People in those communities understand you. You don't really need to impress everyone in the world, or strive to be 'normal'. It's enough to find a group of people who understand you well and have their approval, because no matter how hard you try, you'll never be accepted by EVERYONE. There's a saying I like: "you can be the juiciest peach, but there'll always be someone who doesn't like peaches". Don't pay attention to the people who don't like peaches, because they're not the people you're going to get on well with anyway, and trying to seem "acceptable" to absolutely everyone is an impoossible task. Can't be done. Just focus on other people who like peaches

What a wonderful and thoughtful response - thank you so much. You're completely right. I try to think about how there's so many people in the world, how it's difficult to comprehend the complexity of everyone's lives in a crowd, that there will always be someone better. It gives comfort that the little anxieties of socializing don't matter to others. I once took up a creative job and said screw it, let's just be who I want in this job... yeah, I got some raised eyebrows and laughs but I was told these quirks about me make me a much more interesting person. They'd rather know someone unique in their own way than just another face in the background. I do like being in the background, but I also shouldn't be afraid of showing my colours. <3

Jack Blue said:

I decided long ago that I prefer to have a small group of close-knit friends, rather than having lots of friends that I don't know that well (which seems to be the expectation, especially with things like Facebook where everybody feels pressured to be 'friends' with hundreds of people and have a superficial knowledge of the details of their lives. I've come off Facebook and all other social media except YouTube, and that helped me feel less social pressure

Agreed 100%! I deactivated Facebook and feel so much happier for it. I don't really want to see what hundreds of randoms are up to. Humans are hard-wired to have a maximum of 100 connections, so having hundreds of Facebook "friends" is unnatural.