Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I am really struggling with low self-esteem and loneliness. I'm 32, I was diagnosed when I was 30.
I have always known that there was something 'wrong' with me, and have been trying to get a diagnosis since I was 18, but have been fobbed off by doctors and just given antidepressants (they work for a while but then stop working and I have to go up a dose, and when I reach the highest dose, it starts affecting my IBS). I have always struggled with holding down jobs; when I was younger, I was able to hold down a job for 6 months to a year, but as I got older, the time got less and less. I am now on benefits, I haven't worked for 2 years now and I'm studying at college online.
I also have a lot of social difficulties. I've moved around a fair bit, and have a long history of being ostracised by groups of people, to the point where they warn others to stay away from me because I am a "psychopath". I do have good friends somehow, but they are very few in number. I am scared of meeting new people in case they also ostracise me or reject me. I've also had pretty rotten luck with relationships and I've given up hope that I'll ever be in a serious relationship.
I don't have particularly good social skills - I have been criticised for "oversharing", my meltdowns don't go down so well and people generally find me weird and odd. I also have a pretty childish sense of humour, which people find annoying.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong and how to combat this... at this point of my life, I think it's safest if I just keep to myself (which is kinda boring and depressing). Years of failure and social rejection have chipped away quite a lot at my self-esteem.
Its a pity there isnt a place in this country where ASD people could congregate and meet each other. Kind of like a country house with a big high wall around it where we could go and just be ourselves for a week. Lots of rooms, lots of space. Camp in the gardens, lock yourself in a room, socialise if you want or dont. Somewhere without NT's. Somewhere with people who understand us. Just a place like a hotel of respite from the world around us. In the US they probably call it a commune, but I dont think places like that exist in this country.
This place is a bit like that in a virtual setting.
Your problems are the same as my problems and most otehr people on here. I have had jobs, even had jobs that lasted a year, but I realised I dont want to work at a place for a year, or even 6 months. My ideal time is 8-10 weeks. After that i want new people that dont know me and new challenges. Once monotony sets in the days are numbered until I quit. I decided to change it up last year and went back to college. Currently training in a horticulture subject. I have some crazy ideas for doing something in a commercial horticulture setting. Growing plants and keeping bees. Doing research with plants with a BioChem edge to it. I know one thing IT, Warehouse work, Cyber Security and all the other things I do on the side dont cut it for me. I need a massive change. You just need to find something that interest you.
Am I lonely. Yes. Do i have low self esteem. Yes.
Those two points seem to apply to most people on the spectrum. How do you get past them. Join an autism group and socialise. Take up a new hobby and socialise. I like to walk, go to the gym and research. i am a member of a number of online communities. So as much as I am alone, I am also not alone.
If you drive and can budget it (some cant) and want a radical project that could lead to social interaction. Consider buying a van or car and converting it into a camper van. You get to learn about vehicles, making things to put in it and everything in between. When its complete you can take it to places and stay in it. This is one of my current projects.
As for relationships. i've been in them, but mostly with crazy NT's. I havent tried for quite a long time now, its been 15 or so years since I made any real effort, back when i was at Uni. But i'm highly inflexible, so its hard work. But if you can move past the initial anxiety of talking to a person it gets easier. For me it takes a lot to get to that point. I have been playing the game on dating sites for the last year. You could try pof or cupid if you are looking to chat to women with a chance of going on a date or two. I've had a few hookups, but nothing meaningful. I really want something serious and stable if i'm going to put the time in. One nighters and FWB type relationships take care of the biological urge, but they arent good for you mentally. Best advice from me is to hit the dating sites or tinder and just have a look around. Chat to people, but don't take it seriously. You might find some luck and get a serious relationship, but you probably wont. Oh and avoid spectrum dating or whatever its called. It is a complete waste of time.
__Pathfinder__ said:Its a pity there isnt a place in this country where ASD people could congregate and meet each other.
There is - basically anything nerdy - plane museums, model train shows, Lego exhibitions- TORM (historical recreationalists), History groups, science groups, computer exhibitions, steam shows and preserved railways, classic car clubs, ComicCon -- WE ARE EVERYWHERE!!!!
RC controlled aeroplanes/drone clubs is another one. Add in RC boats as well.
Yep - anywhere where you will find people with specialist knowledge or skills - that'll be us either visiting or hosting..