Published on 12, July, 2020
How my other autistics experience this. You go into a room full of people and your brain gets overload with all the information thats coming into it. You stay as long as you have too/can then later all of this processing of that information comes flooding to the for front of your mind and then you starting seeing the associations between the information you just picked up and everything else you know? As a consequence you develop a phobia about going into similar situations as you know the toll it can take and the pointless wasted but obsessive thinking that will go into processing what is essentially nonsense.
I really only suffer large groups for specific purposes. Like work. But yes on the latent effect of processing everything. Thinking about the function of language today. Whole massive topic. I'm not sure I have a phobia, but I'm very particular about my limits and boundaries and when I escape. Maybe you could explain your experience further?
OK here goes, I'll try to leave specifics out for other peoples sake. Id go to work, and it would be an office room filled with lots of different people. All talking all going about their business, lots of noises, smells, conversations and interactions. Lots and lots of stuff going on. I am absorbing all of it like a bloody antenna (its automatic) and I don't have alot of processing bandwidth left to do my own work. I can't concentrate on what I am doing as my brain is processing everything in my environment automatically but I don't really have any idea exactly what is figuring out, that comes much later. Time passes and suddenly deductions from all that data flood my mind.I could be in the middle of something else after work hours, in the shower or in bed, even asleep. I figure stuff out that I didn't even know I was thinking about and then when I become consciously aware of what I've figured out I start trying to order everything and connect everything that I have learnt automatically and I can't stop my brain from doing it. Now I have a large web of information that all interconnected and constantly getting up dated every time I go into the same situation (Its usually all NT related bullshit). I struggle to get some processing time for my own work and personal activities even after work. Its like I have lost ownership of my mind. Also because I can't really understand peoples motives, ambitions, agendas etc I seem to gradually figure everything out over time and its usually things that I couldn't possibly have known but I think due to bottom up processing. People in general don't understand the information they leak (probably mainly NT people) can be used over long time scales to build up a picture of things related to them. Every little word, movement, tone, is a little piece of information that I suck up (because I am an antenna) and with enough processing and enough time everything is revealed. The stuff I learn I don't even give a *** about. Its just something that happens usually when I am around lots of other people and stuff is happening. I wish could turn it off and only use it for valuable things. Does that give you a better picture of what I mean?
To avoid this I basically have to have 0 human contact for at least 3 days and when that happens I am completely empty and at peace. Its a wonderful state to be in like nirvana or something.
What about wearing noise cancelling earphones or noise filtering ear plugs?