Doubting Myself/Identity Crisis

You've hit the nail on the head and I totally agree with you. 

Not being able to convince myself of exaggerations about my capabilities is definitely a downfall of mine. Other 'successful' (I use this word loosely) people around me are often far more useless than they would ever admit. I see many people senior to me as frauds who don't really work hard but have convinced someone somewhere of their fake capability. 

I am of the view that a manager should be one of the best at doing the job of those that they are managing, otherwise how can they lead by example?

No I think its the dunning kruger effect in action. People who either know another autistic person/have a child often think they are experts and know more than they do. It slips past them that its a spectrum and they just know one or two autistic people out of the whole spectrum thats it. I cook and eat food doesn't make me a chef and a food critic. One of the things that I think autistic people (at least the ones I've met : ) ) don't have is a capacity to bullshit themselves that they know more about something than they do. NT have that capacity in spades.  If you got diagnosed by a trained, qualified professional who has diagnosed hundreds of people and who the government actually pays to check whether someone is autistic or not listen to them and not someone with an autistic child or who's mate is autistic. Theyre armchair clinicians who should keep their opinions to themselves.

Some of us mask too well for the casual observer to spot anything strange.    We hide in plain sight.

Any therapist that makes you feel like that is not very therapeutic.  My daughter has had people questioning her autism for years, which she finds terribly frustrating.  I'm having a private appointment this week.  I've already had a friend dismiss it out of hand, however she has not shared my lived experience and cannot possibly know.

A guideline I used to follow in my late 20s was to ask myself does this Help/Heal or Hurt/Hinder. 

With those who Identify as Males, I would say "You are not helping". With Females, "This doesn't help me". This is a system of communication I learned from psychology. Males tend to (not always) externalise and Females internalise (again, not always). And so it would follow the other would be able to receive the information I was conveying. 

It's OK not to know why. But this is one of the best ways I found to help establish personal agency and kind boundaries. 

In this case, a therapist is defined as someone who helps. If they don't, I'd get a referral to another one.

That's shocking, doesn't sound like a goid therapist and at this point has undermined the relationship and trust is fundamental to the therapy relationship. Sadly it's all too common a response. A colleague was talking to me about his suspected autism, i suggested he told his therapist, but he said his experience if telling a previous therapist made it too scary, she'd done exactly as yours did!

And yes, i regularly think i'm not autistic enough, though life to 21 was really tough, and what goeson in my head is well not normal!

yes sometimes ----  " u wouldnt know U R autistic"   but in my head I say "u have no idea what going on in here"  but I actually see the comment as positive in that I am not obvious which is actually good to know.

so I can be introduced to people, do some standard small talk, and they wont notice.

but when you get to know me u will notice that  I am very different 

The best place my differences worked was in Judo fighting ----  The black belts loved me because I would tackle them in unpredictable ways all the time which extended their range when they fought in a different country

You do need to manage your masking as it can lead to shutdowns and meltdowns if used too much. 

enjoy your difference, "who wants to be normal" (Picasso, I believe ) 

I had a private diagnosis - it's just a better route than waiting years for the NHS to pull its finger out.       If your therapist is attacking you for that, go somewhere else.   They clearly have no clue about autism (most don't) and therefore won't be of any use to you - find a better one who knows their stuff.  

Ask beforehand if they have experience of female ASD - women are far better at masking which is normally why they don't get diagnosed.

The way we talk about things also normally gets us classed as depressed too - the lazy, cop-out diagnosis. 

The biggest problem is usually out-of-control anxiety and no strategies to deal with it or avoid it,..