Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been in two long term relationships (one in my mid teens, the other in my late teens) with two different guys. I have also had a couple other people I’ve had dates with and gave dating a go but didn’t happen after a few months. I’m still on speaking terms with my recent ex but that’s mainly out of fear. The truth is, I’ve become close with someone new. He’s perfect for me. We have more in common with each other (both of us are autistic), his family are a lot nicer and more supportive and we’ve supported each other during the lockdown by calling and texting everyday. My ex doesn’t know about the new guy since he remarked that one of his work colleagues was a bit of a s**t for going out with someone new just after she had broken up with someone else. He also likes to make remarks that are quite erotic and jokes about my intimate body parts a lot even though I’ve told him to stop.
I don’t want to reveal publicly things that have happened to me but they’ve been really traumatic in my past and still affect me now. Therapy for mental health issues hasn’t helped and there’s no one I can really turn to about it. Do I deserve to date someone or shall I let the new person down and never date again?
Hi everyone,
So an update on this post. Sadly I will be limiting my contact with the new guy as my ex has been saying anxiety-inducing things to me through texts and video calls indicating that if he found out that I was chatting or seeing another guy, then he would basically make my life hell.
Maybe I’m truly being paranoid since I’ve watched a lot of true crime shows, yet I haven’t shown the full story online about my experiences. I know that my relationship with my now ex was emotionally abusive, not physically yet after this pandemic situation, I don’t want to put myself or the new guy in danger. So I’m forcing myself to do the wrong time and not speak to new guy. I seriously don’t deserve to be happy because I’m being made to feel like total s**t even though I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
I don’t want to be here anymore.
Do tell the new guy what's going on and why you're deciding to reduce contact. He will be confused and upset, so if he knows your reasoning it will make it easier for him. Your ex will at some point find someone else, move on and lose interest, and then you'll have an opportunity to be free with this new guy if he's still available..
You're doing nothing wrong, and you deserve to be happy, and you should be able to have and enjoy this new relationship, but if it's too hard right now then you know what's best.