Published on 12, July, 2020
I've had mixed responses from:
You are so brave, well done for asking for support (friend/colleague who has child and brother who are autistic)
You seem to just want to be autistic and you are looking for things to fit into it (husband)
Everyone has some autistic traits (other friend)
Outright ignored my messages about it completely (best friend)
Maybe I'm autistic too (not sure if being sarcastic or not, she has had issues with me telling her I suffer with anxiety in the past) (my mum)
I mainly want support with work-related issues if I am autistic. Maybe my parenting too as I'm struggling with that in some ways (listening to my children speaking and showing them enough affection).
I'm really tired since I spoke to my GP last week. I feel like it is all I can think about and I'm scared of waiting a long time for assessment just to then be told I'm wrong. Online tests that I've done so far suggest I am likely to be autistic but are they reliable?!
Hi, Michelle:
I have found that something useful I can do when I want to tell someone I love about my diagnosis is to share with them the visual (computer generated, colourful and detailed graphic) that is generated after a person takes the approximately 120-question online quiz for Asperger syndrome found at the following webpage:
rdos.net/.../Aspie-quiz.php
I think online quizzes give us quite a useful sense of things, particularly pre-diagnosis. I think that is particularly the case if the quizzes are offered by reputable organizations that aren’t selling anything, such as national Autism non-profit advocacy groups.
For some people in our friend and family circles, or my circle at least, seeing a person’s online Autism quiz results displayed in a visual form can be helpful, and open a conversation. After I took the lengthy quiz and my results related graphic was generated, I took a screenshot of it immediately and saved it to my photos folder on my cellphone. I also emailed the photo to myself. That’s how I was easily able to text or email it to family and friends.
Interestingly, after I took the lengthy quiz mentioned above no fewer than five of my siblings and friends quietly took it themselves, and then shared their (very different from mine) results with me after the fact, grinning and delighted. They were engaged and warm and it was invaluable!
I have taken multiple online tests and they always provide me the same ballpark results. I say, go for it and take as many online tests as you can find. I found it very validating, pre-diagnosis.
Have a great day!
Elizabeth
Thank you. I did that test and got "very likely neurodiverse" so basically the same as other tests I have done.
I already feel more self aware since my referral for assessment was completed, and it has brought with it a sort of soothing or peace. I'm still anxious but I feel more understanding of myself and it has helped me to be kinder to myself. Where I used to almost berate myself with "why are you feeling anxious over nothing?!" now I feel a sense of personal acceptance and adjustment.
I'm still frightened that someone else won't see what I see. I'm very well practised in keeping up appearances and I know my friends don't always see my anxieties and lack of confidence. I know I have to trust in the professionals but I'm scared I will be back to square one and have no answers again.
Hi again, Michelle:
Everything you said makes total sense. Yes, please trust the professionals as you are assessed - this is what they do and they are there to help you, not to approach you cynically or to apply a pre-determined, 'no Autism' lens to their work with you. If you are utterly candid and honest, and give them as much detail as possible, no matter how small seeming a detail might be, you will help them and you. You've got this!
For what it's worth, when I answer quizzes/speak to specialists I purposely drop ALL of the covering/masking I've used for two decades in the workforce. I stop hiding what is truly going on inside me, knowing they're not there to judge me and are there to help.
It was a bit scary at first, and felt like suddenly I was an awkward, different from everyone else 14-year-old again. Then, however, it was totally liberating. No need to hide! No need to pretend handwriting doesn't make my hand and brain hurt! No need to pretend I enjoy working with others and love being in meetings! No need to pretend my pets AREN'T my most trusted friends or that I don't totally prefer being home alone for entire, uninterrupted weekends to...basically everything else. :-)
Letting down my guard also helped me to be super gentle and forgiving toward myself as I remembered (relived/was re-traumatized by) my many, many past social and professional mistakes, when I hadn't yet learned to mask my Autism and 'be like everyone else'. I was able to apply the same love and care I give to others to myself, and just love me for having survived, really.
Sometimes just getting up in the morning and making coffee and having a shower feels like a day's work. Some Saturdays I only make it to the coffee part of that list before 1 PM, and it can feel like a struggle to get breakfast. And all of that is okay. xoxo
I'm sending support your way, Michelle...Your journey is an exciting one and it's so great to have you here. :-)
Yes! That's what I thought about his lunch! 'How nice.'
He wasn't cross though, he just ate a smaller dinner when he got home. He knows what I'm like.
Yes, I take things far too literally and don't understand why people don't do something when they said they would.
Oh right, I wasn't trying to link her but thanks for the tip
Thank you also Elizabeth. I am glad to be here too, because I feel normal and accepted here.
I just read that message and also thought "that's nice" and didn't make the connection about his dinner... I just thought he was telling you about his lunch!
I have never realised how literally I can take things until recently. I feel like in some ways I have masked things from myself, not just from others...