Published on 12, July, 2020
I've had mixed responses from:
You are so brave, well done for asking for support (friend/colleague who has child and brother who are autistic)
You seem to just want to be autistic and you are looking for things to fit into it (husband)
Everyone has some autistic traits (other friend)
Outright ignored my messages about it completely (best friend)
Maybe I'm autistic too (not sure if being sarcastic or not, she has had issues with me telling her I suffer with anxiety in the past) (my mum)
I mainly want support with work-related issues if I am autistic. Maybe my parenting too as I'm struggling with that in some ways (listening to my children speaking and showing them enough affection).
I'm really tired since I spoke to my GP last week. I feel like it is all I can think about and I'm scared of waiting a long time for assessment just to then be told I'm wrong. Online tests that I've done so far suggest I am likely to be autistic but are they reliable?!
Hi Michelle, I went through very similar experiences when I told people I was going for an assessment. My partner felt similar to start with, but as I sent him more information about women and autism, and explained why an assessment was important to me, he became a lot more understanding - sometimes it takes time and more communication, however painful the conversations can be. Friends have also ignored me when I've told them about the assessment, and even my diagnosis. Some friends have said "oh I just don't see you as autistic so that's surprising", so I have had very few people feel like they have actually supported me through this. However, I am learning to try to understand things from other people's perspectives, and I have accepted now that I don't think people know how to react, and that any response feels like it isn't the right one. I do think that communicating your thoughts, educating people on autism, and explaining to people why you want to find out can really help to get people to understand you.
And on the note of online tests, I also did these prior to my diagnosis, and I think they can help as a guideline, but there is much more to an autism assessment than the generic questions these online tests ask :)
yes they are an indicator and cover some things u may not have thought of
I got my mum, husband and sister to do the tests. My husband was my main control sample as he is the furthest away from any "traits" I can think of and would be the most offended if I suggested he had any. Needless to say he only scored 7 whereas I scored 43. My mum scored less than me but still over the threshold and my sister was under but not by loads.
I found it quite a surprise to score as highly as I did but I would think many of the responses could be selected for other reasons, not just autism.
I feel like I keep learning about new things though because I saw someone post about chewing/eating non-food items and as a child I chewed my jumpers, rubbers, pencils, pen lids, blue tack, paper. I still do chew the pen lids and eat lollipop sticks at times. My friend from school still mentions the pencil eating now in our 30s so it was often enough for it to stick in other people's memories.
I also wet the bed until I was at least 10yrs old, which I believe can also be more common for autistic children.
I plan to write all these things down but I'm still paranoid I'll just look like I "want to be autistic" as my husband says.
Yes, same here. I get very intense and people look scared and don't understand. They think I'm angry but I'm just enthusiastic.
I feel like I can be very intense when I get talking because I jumped around from thought to thought. It might help me to find some structure to what I need to say!