Published on 12, July, 2020
I've had mixed responses from:
You are so brave, well done for asking for support (friend/colleague who has child and brother who are autistic)
You seem to just want to be autistic and you are looking for things to fit into it (husband)
Everyone has some autistic traits (other friend)
Outright ignored my messages about it completely (best friend)
Maybe I'm autistic too (not sure if being sarcastic or not, she has had issues with me telling her I suffer with anxiety in the past) (my mum)
I mainly want support with work-related issues if I am autistic. Maybe my parenting too as I'm struggling with that in some ways (listening to my children speaking and showing them enough affection).
I'm really tired since I spoke to my GP last week. I feel like it is all I can think about and I'm scared of waiting a long time for assessment just to then be told I'm wrong. Online tests that I've done so far suggest I am likely to be autistic but are they reliable?!
they are fairly reliable , i mean the online tests
My mum is autistic and doesnt know !
M said:Everyone has some autistic traits (other friend)
NO they dont ! thats the same as saying my tan make me a bit "Black" but dont reply to these silly responses
There's a good video I saw on Youtube of an Autistic guy answering this one with "yeah, you've spent all of your lives alone because you don't understand how to make friends, you get overwhelmed by social situations and spend days on end in your own world constantly repeating your own habbits don't you?.....yes, we're all "a bit Autistic aren;t we? (sarcasm)"....So right too....this "we're all a bit" is an attempt to normalise something they don't understand.
My biggest fear was misunderstanding what it means to be diagnosed as autistic. I've had training to support people with autism as I'm a social worker and part of that training included not saying things like "we all have some traits" so I just didn't think about it further, but the more I look into the life experiences of other autistic women I cannot ignore that I share many commonalities, not just a few traits, and debilitating anxieties as a result of those ways I think and behave which have spanned my whole life. It is having more expectations as an adult that is making it difficult to keep masking. Especially with parenting and work in particular. They are things I both love but want to hide from?!
Yes, I agree that jumping to conclusions without assessment is dangerous for many reasons. I'm trying to not feel so absolute about it in terms of myself too without a diagnosis, on the chance that there is a different conclusion. I just hope I don't have to wait too long because the speculation has taken over all my thoughts.