Is it fair for parents to shout at you?

yes, sometimes,  what did u do wrong ? parents get angry because they are stressed just like you, ure mum is human too. 

what did u do wrong ?  is ur mum autistic ?  mine is ( un- diagnosed of course )

Well, my mum want's me to do stuff like clean and stuff the way she does it, But I tend to do stuff my own way as everyone else does. She says I'm lazy and don't help. I have ADD and i can be slow and for me, I only help someone if they ask for help. So far no, she shows no signs of autism, anger management yes

Well, my mum want's me to do stuff like clean and stuff the way she does it, But I tend to do stuff my own way as everyone else does. She says I'm lazy and don't help. I have ADD and i can be slow and for me, I only help someone if they ask for help. So far no, she shows no signs of autism, anger management yes

Aww why thank you 

u are such a nice guy. talk again.  

Thank you I really appreciate it. Yeah, we have talked about my mum having autism and disabilities, so far OCD is the only one we agree she has. Thank you so much for your words. It really has helped me out a lot. But the other thing is, She has applied for benefits but has be refused, When I was born I was born a section and the doctors done something to her stomach, So she worries about money I understand, and I have helped out a few times, But other than that, everything is decent 

new approach

u are both good people by sounds of it,,   once a week ask for a written list of things she wants done. treat this in a professional way like a job.   you do the jobs and cross them off. 

she/your mum is the boss in this job. u dont argue with the boss .  again this is good discipline to practice. just keep nodding and saying "yes mum" 

if you act like this, u can use the information to explain how u can work at anything when applying for jobs. 

try the new approach 

full marks for doing the bins and decorating thats awesome  - ask u're mum sometime if she has ever thought she is autistic 

That I understand, I mean my mum also uses bad language sometimes and sometimes offensive stuff too and I say to her that you can say that now, and then she gets angry 

the bottom line here is your mum worries about u and wants u to be more active in all directions. dont get down about this.  you mum is simply worried for u.   she probably was upset herself afterwards.

buy her a big xmas present.

forgot to say xmas is extra pressure and people crack by the dozen from now until early january.

And I do tell her how much I love her and appreciate the help so far. It's hard to explain and my therapist said he might help me with that, 

Well. taking the bins out, cleaning, decorating yes that's all me that does that. I understand what I said might sound a bit wrong, I have a hard time explaining things. But you both have made me think about a few things, Thanks 

you're welcome - it might be worth being humble and actually telling your mum that you appreciate her and will try to sort yourself out - and can she help you get on track - you would be AMAZED at how that would make her feel.

Yes I understand that I have a hard time explaining things, But you both have made me think about a few things, thank you 

Then surely the adult thing to do is to negotiate with your mum about what you can do and why you think it's better than her way and explain the problems you have with her way.       aidie is asking if you think what you do covers the costs of housing, feeding and looking after you.

If you step back and look at it, do you do any cooking or decorating or sorting out the rubbish and putting the bins out - can your mum rely on you?

you are an adult now 

if not, offer it to her saying "you do all the house work its the least i can do " if she refuses u put the 10% somewhere and buy her things shes needs eg washing machine , tumble drier , pay a bill etc

Yeah

do u give her like 10%,  like a rent ? 

That I do understand, 

Mac78321 said:

I only help someone if they ask for help.

That sounds a bit selfish.

Do you not feel any personal responsibility to help your mum look after you?       Disability is not really an excuse to be selfish - it just means there may be limits to your ability.

Not at the moment no, I am on benefits and will be seeing about a job soon, I have worked last year. 

have u a job ? which is paid

How do you mean?