Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I’m autistic, 17, and over the last few months, I’ve become slightly concerned about the things I do when I’m aroused. For example: when I become aroused and see a good looking guy’s profile (I’m bisexual), I may message them and deliberately try to get them to talk about sex/masturbation in a sly way as it turns me on to know that a good looking person is sexually active etc, despite how uncomfortable they sometimes may feel. I always regret it afterwards and feel guilty for behaving in such a strange way - because in real life, outside of the online world, I’m an extremely nice, funny, and a good person to be around.
it’s all just been bothering me quite a lot recently when I’ve had the chance to really think about my sexual behaviour, and I sometimes feel guilty when talking to my friends as I think “wait, I’m weird and they’re not; why do these people want to speak to me?”. I feel like I’m hiding something from them, and then I start questioning whether my typical personality is just a front and if the aroused side of me is who I really am, which I then decide is untrue. I’d call the behaviours I’ve listed very odd if I heard someone else acting in this way, as it’s almost like I’m drunk when sexually aroused online and do such out of character things. I’d like to know your thoughts on this...
What you're doing is classic narcissistic controlling behaviour.
Joe1087 said:I may message them and deliberately try to get them to talk about sex/masturbation in a sly way as it turns me on to know that a good looking person is sexually active etc, despite how uncomfortable they sometimes may feel.
You are forcing your immediate feelings on an unsuspecting person without their consent.
It seems to be because you're admitting to yourself that you're not socially skilled so are prepared to forgo the challenge of dealing with an actual human being with their own thoughts and feelings and you're just going to force *your* wants onto them - using them.
It seems to be incredibly selfish and lazy. Do you not think they deserve some respect or are you considering them to be valueless in your eyes?
Obviously, your age, maturity, testosterone and social skills are playing a large part your thought patterns here - but do you not see the potential risks in your actions? It would be very difficult for you if someone decides to complain about you. And if that happens more than once or twice, you may begin to have a difficult long-term relationship with the police - and that would be highly non-consensual.
Yeah it’s quite odd - I do it very impulsively and almost in quite a sneaky way so the person often just thinks I’m asking a simple question or initiating a topic of discussion, but you’re correct - I am getting sexual gratification out of them without their knowledge. The reason I find it so odd is it’s the polar opposite to my personality, I’m a very likeable person and have never really harmed anyone and would never wish to harm anyone and would never have non-consensual sex in a million years.
hmmmm? You brought back a thread from over a year ago to say HMMMM? I'm sorry but would you care to expand on that?
I think the main reason is: in terms of males, I’m more attracted to heterosexual males than homosexual males, which obviously puts me in a difficult position, so I think because I generally talk in this way to straight people (although I haven’t acted like this with anyone for a while), is me kind of getting my gratification. I don’t mean to cause any harm.
When you're young, it's all new and novel - so it's exciting - it's triggering all sorts of good chemicals in your brain so you will naturally want more.
Your difficulty is going to be judging *how* interested others are about talking dirty to you - if you cross the line, gossip quickly gets around and they'll regard you as a creep.
Things open up a lot more when you hit 18 - you're then an adult and free to explore and find like minded people - as you are, you're in a grey area between being 'legal' but risky.
Try to keep a lid on things until you can safely go exploring - and also take the time to work out what you actually want from relationships with people - try to consider what others will see in you and want from you - most people are not interested in the wham-bam encounters - it's very shallow and you'll often be disappointed in what you get for all the effort. Getting to know someone means they'll be more tuned in to you - and you them...
I mean I do often consensually speak sexually with people my own age about girls/boys currently. It’s just been making me feel very weird as in real life, I’m a very typical “lad” if you know what I mean: football fan, sarcastic, a bit of a wind up merchant, but it’s just been bothering me massively recently as it’s just not me at all, what I do when aroused.
I'd guess your age and raging hormones don't help with rational thinking when it's on your mind
When you hit 18, have you thought about joining contact sites to interact with people looking for a similar thing?
I would say be very, very careful with what ever you do.
I think it’s because I get so obsessed with the good looking boys that all I want is to hear some sort of sexual language out of them. I don’t act this way when I’m not aroused and I’m a very good, loyal friend to people - so it almost feels as if I’m selling out when I behave in this way.