Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I’m autistic, 17, and over the last few months, I’ve become slightly concerned about the things I do when I’m aroused. For example: when I become aroused and see a good looking guy’s profile (I’m bisexual), I may message them and deliberately try to get them to talk about sex/masturbation in a sly way as it turns me on to know that a good looking person is sexually active etc, despite how uncomfortable they sometimes may feel. I always regret it afterwards and feel guilty for behaving in such a strange way - because in real life, outside of the online world, I’m an extremely nice, funny, and a good person to be around.
it’s all just been bothering me quite a lot recently when I’ve had the chance to really think about my sexual behaviour, and I sometimes feel guilty when talking to my friends as I think “wait, I’m weird and they’re not; why do these people want to speak to me?”. I feel like I’m hiding something from them, and then I start questioning whether my typical personality is just a front and if the aroused side of me is who I really am, which I then decide is untrue. I’d call the behaviours I’ve listed very odd if I heard someone else acting in this way, as it’s almost like I’m drunk when sexually aroused online and do such out of character things. I’d like to know your thoughts on this...
Getting consent from the other person is important and it is liberating when someone consents to having those discussions.
There may not be a concrete law against talking about sex with someone but some folks take talking about sex better than others.
When I was your age I started to find out about UK and New York fetish clubs. After I turned 18, I was then able to seek those out. If you get the chance to go to uni, the LGBT+ societies are likely to be pretty good for bringing people who are quite open to talking about sex. That's not to say that everyone in LGBT+ is very open to sex discussion, but it is likely that there will be some people there who are approachable to the idea of discussing sex in different ways. We're all a bit different and all that.
When you turn 18, it'll be easier to join online communities whereby sex can be discussed openly and constructively.
A word of caution though, doing, viewing and even talking about sex can be pretty addictive at times. So, it's good to keep an eye on yourself to make sure you're treating others and also yourself with respect.