Published on 12, July, 2020
A conversation (via SMS) with a friend around suicide included me pointing out the strain of not fitting in anywhere and being socially abnormal. His reply was intended to be generous, suggesting that I fit in better than I think. So I just pointed out to him "I don't think you realise how hard it is to fit in."
His reply? "Do you have to pretend? Can you be yourself?"
Excellent question. I mean, obviously yes, and hell, there's an entire lifetime of things going *** when I fail to properly portray neurotypical behaviours.
I still don't know how to respond. Why do we pretend to fit in? What's the point?
Good question!
I've been wondering about this. Inc what am i pretending to do. Like it's become so normal to me I'm not sure if it's me or not. I guess we get conditioned into it as kids cos fitting in is a crucial survival technique.
I've one friend I don't mask with, so i know what that looks and feels like, but however much i want to be unmasked with others it just doesn't happen.
get him to video you ,,,, that would be so interesting. it would be a good thing in terms of training for mental health professionals and other autistics to have a pair of vides of same person unmasked and then masked.