Published on 12, July, 2020
To say I’m struggling at the moment is an understatement. I feel like I’ve got so much on my plate that to say “I feel” is to overstate my emotional condition. I’m just numb, functioning through each day.
I’m self employed, but work has dried up, I’m waiting to get signed off as an electrician, but the assessors have practically shut down. Their phones are off and they don’t respond to emails, so I have no idea when it will happen. I also have a fear that I will fail the assessment and I’ll be nowhere.
My Dad has dementia, which seems to have come out of the blue, it’s been so quick. He gets really angry and says some hurtful things, which I know he can’t help, so I don’t respond at the time, but it takes its toll later, and for days afterwards.
The main issue though is that my GP has completely screwed up my referral. I was on the local NHS waiting list, but post COVID was told this could be 3 years. I asked to be referred to Healios, which eventually (long story short) my GP did. However, it turns out Healios don’t accept GP direct referrals and the way They had gone about it made it look as though I was going to pay as a private referral. Which I simply cannot afford. I called the surgery about 5 and just got fobbed off by the receptionist who refused to let me book an appointment so I could talk to my GP. I ended up making a complaint to the local commissioning group, just to get a response. As yet this has had little effect. Other than the standard “we’re very sorry to hear about your experience” email.
The problem is I am getting no information from anyone and my fear is that nearly a year down the line I’m not on any waiting list anywhere and I’m paranoid the GP surgery is just going to cut me off and I’ll never be able to get an appointment for anything. It’s all just getting too much to cope with. My anxiety is through the roof and I can cope with less and less. I really don’t want to slip into depression but I’m holding on by my finger tips and get a sense that something minor will push me into the rabbit hole.
First off I think you are amazing to be coping with so much, you definitely don't deserve this but you are doing really well.
Unfortunately I can't help with any of your GP issues or the difficulties with your father but hopefully I can offer some advice on anxiety as someone who has been going through a real flare up of it the last week.
The first piece of advice is to run. I know it sounds silly but just going for a run or jog, even a short one, can break the cycle of stress, release endorphins and give you a sense of accomplishment. Walking is also good and I quite often take my brain for a walk because while my body could do without my mind needs that quiet time when I am utterly focused on one task.
Talking also really helps me and as much as I hope you have people you can talk to if you don't I reccomend calling Anxiety UK, they are there to help with Anxiety and even if they don't have the power to solve it they can at least listen to you and let you offload.
Lastly I have recently emcountered a saying that is proving helpful in keeping my own anxiety spirals in check. This too shall pass. Now what you're going through honestly sounds awful and I'm really sorry for that, but just reminding yourself that it won'tast forever and you won't always feel that way can make a big difference.
I hope you find some of this helpful and honestly wish you all the best.