Published on 12, July, 2020
Just before I post at any length, could someone please let me know that I am writing this in the right place? I’d love to have contact with someone about my husband who I think is undiagnosed autistic. He may be Aspergic, I have no real idea. I just know that he has some behaviour which is extremely challenging for me and also quite antisocial at times. He presents to the world as a highly capable businessman, but at home he is often more childlike. He has tantrums and tempers. He has unusual aversions and equally unusual fixations. We’ve been together 35 years. I’m exhausted and frayed and he has no idea. He’s also fraught at times but that passes and he’s forgotten it. Id love to be in contact with anyone who has any understanding of such a situation
Hi I am 50 and awaiting diagnosis and I can identify with your husband. I have certianlly got worse in the past year or so. We have all had a challenging year, plus I lost my dad and had to put my mum into care. I have had regular meltdowns over small things, very childlike ones. I had this discussion with my wife that with her I should not have to hide my autism to her, she disagrees and thinks I should hide it more.
Other people have said some very useful things, some I will probably repeat. Do you find tiny ideas you come up with, particually slight changes to a plan he came up with, really throw him and cause issues? It is oftern difficult for autistic people to change things, no matter how small, at short notice.It maybe that your husband is particually stressed at work in these difficult times. he just may not have the capacity left to mask to you as well as at work?
We can also be antisocial. One that bugs my wife is at a big social gathering (when you could anyway) she will take half hour to go round and say goodbye to loads of people where I am happy to just walkout. I never think people are interested in me anyway.
You have made it this far, 35 years is a long time, it is certianlly not something that will go away but it certianlly can be managed and you can help. If he has a hobby give him time for that. It maybe there is something he does that really annoys you? For my wife it is me loading the dishwasher 'wrong'. We talked about it and agreed that it is not worth the argument, it is just the dishwasher. I am doing it diffrent, not wrong.
Hope you sort things out.