Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm hoping someone or one of the mods can help.
I am female, mid-thirties and identify with a lot of traits on the autistic spectrum. This is something I have been aware of for three and a half to four years. I think reading and researching about it you could say, has been one of my interests. I have been a member of this forum for two years and stay on the periphery. It has now got to the stage in my life where I want to seek a diagnosis.
The catalyst for this being counselling therapy which I started yesterday. My brain and my mouth didn't match up. I found myself saying things which I now am not sure how true they actually were. We talked about identity and decisions. It came across as though I had been coasting in life, when in reality the decisions I have made in my life have been very difficult to deal with. It was difficult to get much across because i was very emotional and i find it very hard to talk about feelings and emotions. Im going to end up rambling at this point to you so will leave it there for now. However, I can see this "delay" which I think is typical of me in that in order to understand my emotions and feelings, I need time to digest and reflect. The counsellor didn't know I thought I was on the spectrum; it was a 45 minute session and I had things I just needed to get off my chest. It's something I will mention at my next session.
I have a good relationship with my GP and am currently reducing my dose of sertraline as the costs outweigh the benefits. I have mentioned the posdibility of AS to a previous doctor and she said it's something we can discuss and look into. Its on my notes. I would like to approach either of these GPs now. I know I will be asked "why do you think you are on the spectrum?". Well, how long is a piece of string?!
The difficulty now is that, because I spend most of my waking life over thinking, and I have had almost 4 years input of ASC information, I KNOW in my head how my experiences can be explained through autism but am finding this very difficult to write down. There's too much to even know where to start. Because I have been flying under the radar all my life, and I would say I am a very internal person, I am going to have to fight my case, so I need things to come from me as coherently as possible. The therapist said yesterday (about another issue) it sounds like I can become paralysed by my thoughts and I think this has happened here.
I couldn't find the list on this website yesterday, but made three headings of social communication/repetitive behaviours/sensory to start off my notes, but like i said, notes are proving difficult to write. I have done questionnaires before but have found them difficult to answer as they seem to be aimed at stereotypical behaviours.
I just feel like a tangled up mess. I want to move forward with my life and this is the next step but I don't know where to start. There's also the risk I don't get a diagnosis but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
Thank you for getting to the end of my ramblings.
out_of_step said:
Sorry to hear that, try not to get upset and feel helpless. Instead take your time, your smart enough to know typically how questionnaires operate, you will be smart enough to give insight into who you are on it. There are other ways you can obtain a diagnosis for example you could see a doctor/nurse in person.
Thank you. I looked again at the AQ test. "I like to collect information about categories of things".....no, but I like to totally absorb myself in finding out information about a subject. We have a thing called the internet these days. So while it's not necessary collecting information in a physical sense, it's collecting information in my head and Web history.
I could do the AQ twice. Once taking it literally as it is. And another taking it by way of interpreting the questions.
I had momentum two weeks ago about seeking a diagnosis and now I feel like I'm talking myself out of it. AGAIN.
The AQ *really* needs updating! There are so many questions on here that I could answer either way, depending on context. You're absolutely right about the 'collecting things' question: these days many of us collect information via the net rather than physical objects to be lined up and sorted.The SQ (Systemizing Quotient) and the EQ (Empathy Quotient) tests are useful, too - though as equally frustrating as the AQ test, with many questions that aren't straightforward to answer. I've printed out my tests so I can annotate them on the questions that I could have answered differently according to context. And I know exactly what you mean about the push-and-pull of seeking a diagnosis: I thought I had finally got to the point that I knew, with absolute certainty, that I am autistic - and am now starting to question myself again! Like you, I need to have everything written down, as I find it very difficult to remember all my reasons for believing I'm autistic otherwise. I am at the point where it makes complete sense* to ask to be referred for assessment, knowing that there's likely to be a long-ish wait, which will give me time to pull every single last shred of evidence together as proof of autism - yet I am also panicking that, if I were to do that, I'd suddenly get a call to say they had a last-minute cancellation, and would I like to be assessed right now! (I got my ADHD assessment six weeks after phoning to enquire how much longer I'd have to wait, and my adult daughter, similarly, only had to wait about eight weeks after referral, as her GP pushed it through as a matter of concern.)(*one reason I'm stalling is because of needing to ask for a referral via my GP: I have pretty much lost all faith in him since he was so unsupportive of my daughter's difficulties, yet can't deal with the prospect of trying to change my GP to a new one...)
How long have you been aware you might be autistic? I've been through that push and pull so many times. I finally pushed myself and have spoken to my GP today. I was glad I had prepared some notes as the rather open question of "why do you think you're on the spectrum" is too vague and I was immediately stumbling over my words. It sounds really trivial when you say "oh I feel different" or "oh I struggle in social sityations" cos everyone does to a certain extent!
Could you see a different GP? As in, are there more than one at your practice?
I wouldn't worry about getting a last minute call. Going off what people on here have said, there's likely to be long waiting lists. I'm sure some people would give their right arm for a last minute call. (I know what you mean though. I put my request in on the app and my GP was going to ring me back at anytime. I had to make sure I was prepared enough as it was a bit like being caught "off guard" and that's only in the first instance of speaking to the GP). I'm sure you would have enough evidence with whatever you had and the assessors are trained to get what they need from the appointment.