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Find it so difficult to be a person

Tigerbalm

I'm just feeling a bit upset. I don't have many friends but enjoy meeting the ones I have, but it often leaves me feeling like I don't fit in, like I'm not a complete person. Other people always seem to know how to have conversations, things to say, how to respond/react. I usually end up being the one barely involved in conversations, even though I want to be. But I don't know what to contribute, or if there is something I want to say, I find it very difficult to find an opening, so my timing often seems off. 
My partner and I just met some friends tonight and as usual, I now feel bad about myself, because somehow everyone else seems to know how to function and I barely scrape by. It affects every area of my life that involves dealing with other people in some capacity, and I'm so sick of feeling left out or incapable. I see other people just being people with such ease and feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Like I'll never be able to really be a part of it. It's just quite upsetting :-/

  • I think the big problem is not being able to do 'small talk'.    That pointless waste of energy talking about nothing - it seems that NT's way of breathing is expelling pointless rubbish from their mouths - they do it all day and can't survive without it..

    I find that all of my long-term friends are techy nerds - the vast amount of our conversations are about a 'thing' or subject or bouncing ideas between each other.

    I can only suggest looking at your interests and passions and getting together with others into the same stuff - it's so much more comfortable.

  • Hi, firstly, well done you for getting and keeping friends! I find that so hard. I dont have any friends, just people that I talk to every now and again. I realised only recently that I treat all people the same, sooooo if they want to be my friend I kind of expect theyll treat people the way I do, like what I do, have morals etc the same. Upon reading various things I realised that I dont choose friends, people choose me and their usually not the kind of people you want around! So I'm working on this. 

    Do you find similar or are you more savvy in that respect?

    So anyway, I wanted to say, by maintaining friendships with people you like your already doing well :)

  • Hi - I'm a 20 year old girl who is self diagnosed and in the early stages of being formally diagnosed. Thank you so much for sharing this, because it's something I have been able to relate to my whole life! 

    I so often feel like I am on the edge of a social group, wanting to join in desperately and share things, but not knowing quite how to. Often afterwards I beat myself up and go over and over what happened, what I said, and what was said to me, trying to understand why I felt so left out! I think this is completely normal with autism as we all seem to process things in different ways at different paces, so group conversation can be really difficult to keep up with and that's okay. 

    Could you possibly discuss this with your partner or a few of your close friends, so that they understand how you experience it and can hopefully create more space for you in the future to get you involved? 

    Anyway feel free to drop me a message any time and swap experiences

    Bea