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Worried about my baby

MarilynHeartsSpongebob

Hello, I’m Marilyn.

I’m 23 and have been dealing and struggling to adapt to adult life with Autism. The support I used to have vanished over night and now there’s no help for me. I live way out in the back of beyond and there’s no support groups near me, and though I can drive I don’t like to go too far. My nerves can’t stand it.

By no fault of my own I’m also expecting a baby now who is due on December 16th which is still a long way off but I can’t help but worry about him or her. What if the baby is Autistic as well? What if it’s worse than I am? What if I can’t cope? I’m so scared and worried all the time at the moment. My own Autism isn’t the greatest. I’d say I’m high functioning but I’m struggling adapting to adult life. I wish I could have stayed at school, which I tried to do but they got the police to escort me from the school.

And now there’s a baby on the way and I’m wondering if I’m going to be a good mum or not. My mum was rubbish, she was never there for me when I needed her and I don’t want my own child to have a mum like that. I want to be the best mum, fun, caring and supportive no matter what. But I feel so negative and low. I don’t know anything about parenting, or children and me having Autism I think will make it even worse for me.

Maybe I’m overreacting though? I think it depends on the people sometimes and though I do have my problems I am a good person, or I try to be. I just want to have a happy life and a happy baby.

If anyone has any tips then I’d really appreciate them.

Thank you in advance.

  • Hello Merilyn. I am an autistic woman and I have two autistic daughters.

    It is natural to be a litle anxious about becoming a parent an thinking of what kind of parent you want to be. I spent some time thinking what kind of parent I wanted to be, what I didn't want to be like. I think it is important, but apart from that I didn't 'prepare'.You sound already as a great mum that will always be there for her children and will care a great deal. One thing I learned is that parenting is a natural instinct. You don't need a degree in parenting. It all comes natural at the right time. One thing I would say is check with your GP about depression and get medication if necessary.
    Stay on this forum as there is a lot of support.

  • in reply to MarilynHeartsSpongebob

    (edit: delete my misunderstanding) I just had to react to this:

    MarilynHeartsSpongebob said:
    The father, if you can call it that, isn’t around anymore and the pregnancy wasnt a choice sadly. A supposed to be friend of mine took advantage and then when I report it they do nothing because I'm a 'retard' apparently.

    Open mouthAnguishedRage https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

    You're not a 'retard', whoever said that. Very glad to hear you have a good GP - hope you're good with phone appointments at this difficult time.

  • Thanks for the replies. The father, if you can call it that, isn’t around anymore and the pregnancy wasnt a choice sadly. A supposed to be friend of mine took advantage and then when I report it they do nothing because I'm a 'retard' apparently. I’ve thought of abortion, but I didn’t have the heart for it, I possibly should but I don’t like the idea of terminating a life like that. For me I don’t feel that’s a good thing to do, not when this baby could grow in to a beautiful person and have a very happy life.

    Cassandro, thank you for telling me about national childbirth trust, I think this will be helpful along the way. No such groups are near to me but I’m going to see about getting in touch with other parents with Autism, preferably a woman as she’ll know exactly what it’s like to be this way. But the national childbirth trust is a great place to start.

    Thanks I had Enough, I’m looking in to coping strategies and I have possible adoption as a backup plan if things don’t work out in the end. My doctor recently helped me work on breathing exercises to help control my anxiety and I also have ear plugs for when sound sensory goes over the top so next time I see her I’ll also ask for advice on how best to cope with a baby as well.

    Thank you for responding so quickly.

  • Hello, Marilyn, welcome to the forums.

    I'm sorry to hear you lost the support you used to have. What was that? Do you live with anyone else? It sounds to me as if you should be getting some support from social services or health visitors at least. I suppose you overcome your fears of adult life by facing up to responsibilities but it helps if you have someone there as a safety net.

    Any parent-to-be will worry about being a good parent. Do you know about the National Childbirth Trust https://www.nct.org.uk/ ? They help mums learn from other mums about how to be a good mum, and they might have a friendly group near you or might even be able to sort out transport if your fear of driving is still too much.