negative circuit thinking

You could tell him these two words: 'passive aggressive'... let him look them up. Once you realise this way of dealing with the world is not healthy, it doesn't allow for equal partner relationships, everything is a hostage situation, ... 

If given the choice between staying or leaving, staying is the position that takes the most courage. 

But if he manages to go work on another project with better pay, and he has the feeling this one is not even going to serve him as a good reference, he might be right to better cut his losses. 

Authority is not an easy thing to handle. My current boss also gives me strange vibes, but it's important to realise, I see his position, he wants things to run smoothly and to be able to report to his boss on questions. These people have a mindset like in squeezing an orange for juice... always looking for better efficiency, often overlooking the strain it puts on people.

As an employee you need to deal wtih this mindset, setting your own standard. Knowing when you did a good job regardless of what the other says. And especially accepting when this seems to be contradicted by a boss. If you accept that that boss wants one thing from you: 'more', than it's easy to just dismiss this as an irrational mindset.

We are both freelancers, working in a project managed by this 70 year old woman. I told my ASD coworker to stay until we finish. He put effort, creative time and money in the project. The project will be published in months, it will be visible to the public. If he leaves now, he will have financial losses. After published, he could sue her if were the case, if he had proof that she treated him with prejudice or something like that. But he kept having negative thoughts, repetitive ones. For me, it's not a rational way to deal with the situation. And he is so rational all the time! It does not make sense! If any of you recognize this situation, please, tell me: should I give up, accept and let him go or is there something to say to change his mind?

It might also do him good to go to another company to make more money.

I thank people in the past for making it sometimes not so nice to work somewhere, so I had the drive to go look for something different and by definition better paid.

Just changing because of the mentality of management is not a good idea. This is a fact of life. 

I realise now more than ever that the company I work for is more than just my own job. They have income, clients, government compliance, you're just a cog in the mechanism, but you need the mechanism to be able to function too. 

Thanks for all of your responses! First, I would like to let it clear: our boss is a 70 year old woman, she has no idea that my coworker is an aspie. He also does not know that I know he is an aspie. I think nobody involved in the project knows, except myself. And I will never talk to anybody about it. For me, it's not a big issue, because we get along so well. But at this moment we are in a big trouble:

He called me, saying our boss is doing everything wrong, that she's not an honest person, that he would prefer to leave the project than tolerate her bullies about his asian origin, that she called him "less experienced", that he would prefer to change his career than tolerate her (he's a successful person in his career and he's not "less experienced". The guy is a brilliant man!).

I became very frightened for what he was saying because the project we are involved with is the project of his life. Our boss indeed is a rude person but he knows her a lot. They've been working together for 3 years! I started only 1 year ago. He's the mind of the project. If he leaves, everybody loses: the project itself, our boss, myself and, mainly, my aspie coworker!

Finally, he told me since I started working, he left a "bubble" and now he sees the way our boss treats him.

I felt very bad about it. I feel like I am the opposite of a gold-finger.

Is it possible to change his mind? Or, once an aspie decides to leave his life project, it's not reversible? Is there anything I could tell him? I cannot lie and tell him our boss is an excellent person because she is not! But I am totally sure he's gonna lose a lot.

I recognise this. I've been doing what your colleague now does at least 3 times in the past.

Where people with asperger are usually surprisingly different from others is that we like things to be clear and we hate authority.

I told my bosses these things: (when I already decided I was going to replace the boss by a different person)

- I want my boss to adhere to much higher standards than you do

- Your job is to motivate your people, I'm not motivated, you're not doing your job well

- I'll stop doing overtime, you have the right to assert this, but you kept me here until 19:00 to talk this through, I will apply for overtime for this

I want a boss to have alpha-female characteristics, firm, hard working, taking responsibility for own actions, just. And no macho nonsense, it's just an office job, don't make it sound like we're a platoon under enemy fire (agile mysticism)

If your colleague recognises any of this, tell him that he's wasting his time on nonsensical behaviour. 

Pear!

Hello 

Yes - tell him you really care and how you’d feel if it went pair shaped. He’ll likely have no clue that you even give a dam! 

I’ve been there in work multiple times and never had support like you. It’s usually other way round - who I thought did care ended up brown nosing the boss to stay in the ‘gang’ :( 

NTs almost ALWAYS drop someone to stay in the group.