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negative circuit thinking

NAS67634

Hello everyone! Recently I noticed that a coworker who I care a lot has Aspergers. We did not talk about it and probably won't. I totally respect and admire his work. He’s a middle age man and we had a trouble with our boss. I really want to find a solution for us in order to finish the project we are involved with, a project that is very important for both of us. He’s “stuck” in some kind of a negative “circuit”, maybe a little paranoid. I do not understand completely what happened between him and our boss, he does not tell me the whole story. He seems to be in a kamikaze process, and I do not know what to do or to say in order to move forward. I wonder if you have some clues on how I can cope with that. :)

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  • Thanks for all of your responses! First, I would like to let it clear: our boss is a 70 year old woman, she has no idea that my coworker is an aspie. He also does not know that I know he is an aspie. I think nobody involved in the project knows, except myself. And I will never talk to anybody about it. For me, it's not a big issue, because we get along so well. But at this moment we are in a big trouble:

    He called me, saying our boss is doing everything wrong, that she's not an honest person, that he would prefer to leave the project than tolerate her bullies about his asian origin, that she called him "less experienced", that he would prefer to change his career than tolerate her (he's a successful person in his career and he's not "less experienced". The guy is a brilliant man!).

    I became very frightened for what he was saying because the project we are involved with is the project of his life. Our boss indeed is a rude person but he knows her a lot. They've been working together for 3 years! I started only 1 year ago. He's the mind of the project. If he leaves, everybody loses: the project itself, our boss, myself and, mainly, my aspie coworker!

    Finally, he told me since I started working, he left a "bubble" and now he sees the way our boss treats him.

    I felt very bad about it. I feel like I am the opposite of a gold-finger.

    Is it possible to change his mind? Or, once an aspie decides to leave his life project, it's not reversible? Is there anything I could tell him? I cannot lie and tell him our boss is an excellent person because she is not! But I am totally sure he's gonna lose a lot.

  • in reply to NAS67634

    It might also do him good to go to another company to make more money.

    I thank people in the past for making it sometimes not so nice to work somewhere, so I had the drive to go look for something different and by definition better paid.

    Just changing because of the mentality of management is not a good idea. This is a fact of life. 

    I realise now more than ever that the company I work for is more than just my own job. They have income, clients, government compliance, you're just a cog in the mechanism, but you need the mechanism to be able to function too. 

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  • in reply to NAS67634

    It might also do him good to go to another company to make more money.

    I thank people in the past for making it sometimes not so nice to work somewhere, so I had the drive to go look for something different and by definition better paid.

    Just changing because of the mentality of management is not a good idea. This is a fact of life. 

    I realise now more than ever that the company I work for is more than just my own job. They have income, clients, government compliance, you're just a cog in the mechanism, but you need the mechanism to be able to function too. 

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