Stay or go

Hi Everyone

Should I stay or go?

Sorry I keep doing this in bits , I get thoughts and they leave my mind. I struggle to remember each point.

So my wife is adament that if i leave she will be a better mum, that i wont zap her and she will have more buffer for the kids.

I stay to be a better me and work out this puzzle and get it right.

And that I'm worried if I'm not here the kids will have to deal with a angry tired mum by themselves at least Im hear to share the load of the kids, give her a break.

Am I wrong Am i too much of a problem and its better for everyone I leave and parent from a distance.

I dont want to leave my home that my parents put a a huge contribution to and I've worked huge amount hours to pay for and develop into an awesome home for kiddies Slight smile

But am I being selfish and I doing what I want at the expense of hurting my wife.

  • Hi Matthew, 

    I think you should wait until lockdown is over and then talk to your wife. When all the stress of covid19 is done with things will look brighter for sure and you'll both be able to chill and relook at things. Your wife may feel differently then as no doubt she'll be overwhelmed by all that's happening at the moment.

    I definitely wouldn't recommend you or any father or mother leaving and parent from a distance. Children need their parents with them always and when one is away that can cause a lot of distress for them.

    You're obviously a very thoughtful person and a great father, your not selfish, your an asset to your family.

  • Hi thanls for your reply,

    Its hard because she does make some really good points, but then Im like is she a narcist, she thinks I am, that all men are crap and I have aspergers, I do think i think differently,

  • If your wife can't cope with the kids all day now, if your support is taken away, I think she would seriously struggle with homeschooling them. Especially as the demands placed upon her would seriously increase before you've even added on the extra tasks she'd need to do as a single parent. For example, your maintenance would only cover a small part of her outgoing so she might need to work too.

    As mentioned previously, I don't think your wife's behaviour is very healthy. I also think she puts on you and tries to make you the 'problem' rather than face up to her own issues.

    If eventually, you do move out I think it would be sensible to seek the support of a solicitor to ensure that your financial contribution, as well as the access to your children is fair. I agree with you that you should consider if leaving them with your wife is the right thing for them and whether they'd be better off with you. 

  • HI Plectrum

    Thanks , I really appreciate your clarity :)

  • Hi Anthony

    Thankyou again wise words, were stuck in a situation of she cant leave as she wants to home educate and so needs me so she doesnt have to work, and she wants me to work harder smarter and fund a separate house.

    I'm struggling to get time (I'm not the quickest admin worker) to invest time and grow business properly.

    As I spend lots of time looking after kids and cleaning up house.

    Not a easy choice, I wish we could get things right and have an awesome life I know it wont happen by itself.

  • Wait until lockdown is over - we’re not currently living in a ‘normal’ time/ world at the moment. Don’t jump to rash conclusions. 

  • Hi Matthew, this is a big life decision, please contact a relationship counsellor and get some professional help. Sharing the kids won't make life easier as you will have to juggle your life around it. Please don't base such a big decision on the viewpoints of a forum of autistic people. I hear your urgency and have been through a divorce, it's tough. X