Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Folks,
I was officially diagnosed with ASD a couple of weeks or so ago, at the age of 45. The clinician said it would have been called Asperger's in former times. The person most surprised by this diagnosis seems to have been my girlfriend, actually.
Thought I would introduce myself here, even if I'm not totally sure what I should be saying.
I've known since at least my early teens I was somehow different, yet it's only in the last 6 months or so, i.e. a little before I was diagnosed, that I have felt sure that I know what it was that was making me feel this way.
I just feel like an alien visitor to this planet quite a lot of the time, especially with regard to social.
At school I was generally unpopular, and when I changed school for sixth form, I was probably the most hated person in the year. I just didn't know how to fit in. At uni, I was suicidal for a chunk of the time, especially when I saw my peers out having a ball, but I pulled through and eventually went on to do an MA. I sort of drifted into a solitary career, as I didn't know what else to do.
Co-morbid with the ASD I have social anxiety and depression. I have always rather struggled socially, and I can't remember a time when I didn't feel depressed.
I've lived and worked in several different countries. My big passion in life is languages, to the extent that most of my work and leisure time are taken up with working with them or else at least thinking about them in some way.
I was independent for a long time, but in more recent times I have become increasingly reliant on family assistance, as my freelancing business has declined. I'm very lucky to have their support. I feel ashamed about this situation, and am trying to retrain to do something completely different. But I fear my lack of self-confidence and social deficits may stand in the way.
I fear for the future and how I might cope in an office-type environment, as I am used to working alone for myself. I am aware of the oft-quoted high figure for how many people with ASD aren't able to hold down full-time office style jobs.
I feel a failure of sorts and a burden on my family. Now and then I feel so disillusioned that I ideate about ending things. I also fear for the future because there will be no-one there during my old age. I have no money for a pension, either.
But a part of me has been relieved by the diagnosis. Now I no longer really feel I have to do things the way "neurotypicals" are expected to do, and I can just be myself, however weird that is!
Thanks for listening, anyway, and if anyone can relate to what I've written, please feel free to chime in :)
Hi!
I’m not really any good at advice but I feel like I relate to what you’ve said in some ways.
I turned 18 last month and was diagnosed with ASD in March. Similarly my mum has suggested that I probably have Asperger’s from working with children (she’s a teacher) that were diagnosed with it when the term was used and from someone she knows who also has it.
I didn’t view myself as different until I moved into secondary school when I started showing signs of social anxiety and later went to counselling for that. Then when I moved into a new school for sixth form I found it increasingly hard to communicate with people (I was anxious speaking to people and I could never find the right words to explain things). This is when we (me and mum) decided to have me tested for ASD. I don’t think I was unpopular at sixth form, more likely I was invisible. I had one friend at school and a couple out of school that I drifted away from. Although I was very lucky to still have friends I’d go days without talking to people (teachers or students) until I’d get home and talk to my family.
I also fear about my future. I haven’t been able to get a part time job so far and I’ll need one to be able to afford university. I do want to go to university this September, I have applied and am looking forward to aspects of it however I worry how I’ll cope living with people that might not understand me especially if I have a panic or anxiety attack. I’m sorry if this isn’t relavent but I do relate to what you’re saying (even if I’m barely an adult :) )