Still failing at talking to people

I keep thinking about what you have said, It's like we're living the same life but just in different places with different people.... I've been forced to learn to approach situations from a different angle due to some seriously violent & dangerous situations I've been thrown into with no help.... One shared house the council put me in before here (after my doctor said no shared houses) had druggies in the other rooms, The area had young drug dealers on every corner, The main door to the building kept getting left unlocked & the shared areas kept getting overrun by 30-40 older teen drug dealers hiding from the police, They had knives & it kept happening until I took the keys away from the druggies living in the house for leaving used needles in the couch.... I secured the property which the police thanked me as it was making their job easier when I explained what was happening, The 3rd party landlord through the council started having a go at me until he found out I had stopped the police closing down the entire property as a crime hotspot & boarding it up, Then they thanked me....

One morning around 6am me & my carer at the time were woken by someone booting at our door, We looked out the window to see one of the local trouble makers flying from across the street throwing himself at our door, We shouted at him to stop, He shouted something about wanting to sleep on our couch & carried on attacking our door until it came off & landed on my £4,500 brand new mobility scooter, It broke the front axle in several places.... I had my carer carry me down the stairs (unsuitable housing for a wheelchair user), & I struggled out to the main road at the end of the street, The area is so bad there was police all the time so it only took 5 minutes to flag down a police van, in my nightclothes, in the rain......

I directed the police to where I was living, The guy was laid on the couch when the police got there, He tried telling them we said he could, & The police were about to ignore us & let the guy go when a guy from next door I had never spoken to came out & told the police what he had witnessed, The guy was arrested & the police boarded up the property with my scooter inside, They gave me a note to take to the council telling them it wasn't my fault & the property had a problem for years before I was even in this town....

Me & my carer went to the housing office with the note from the police, & a contact number for my mobility insurance who said they would arrange with the council to pick it up from the property & have it repaired for me.... The council said they hadn't had a problem at that property before I lived there, That's because the other tenants were druggies buying their drugs off of the people causing the problem & not reporting it to the council, The police said there was a big problem but the council chose to ignore it & said I had made myself homeless....

I was living on the local market stalls at night as the police station was across the street, After a few weeks the local homeless stumbled across me & asked why I was homeless..... The next day they took me to a solicitor who forced the council to give me & my carer another property while we wait for proper housing, They put me a few streets away from the first place.... 

That sort of thing kept happening until they forced me into this flat which is in another bad area & not wheelchair adapted, But I found out that the council put me down as the problem...... I have remained as civil & polite as I can with these people, Why do they continue to put me places that affect my autism, Leaving me with a real need t defend myself against druggies, Dealers, & Robbers, Leaving me with a constant feeling of dread & anxiety, Then trying to make it my fault....

There are acts of parliament to protect us from this sort of treatment, If only there were people who enforced the rules 

I think its reasonable too! I dont understand why people cant ask questions

I feel sad for you as its relatable to my life. Just the injustice and nothing being done. I was being stalked by an old man on our road. No one believed me. He would follow me taking my bin to the secluded part of the road with everyone else's and he would watch me. He would stand on the path so I'd have to walk in the road to pass him. He would say stuff to me. He would stop his car outside mine and as I opened my door I'd see him sitting outside mine then he would drive off. I threatened to call the police if he didnt stop and his wife begged we didnt which was odd. Anyway he targeted my child so I called the police. They came straight over which I thought was odd. They ran background checks. Only after police came did another neighbour confess this guy has a history of being accused of rape! But she added 'but he took my parents to the vets when they needed to go' and ' he looked after his step geandchildren'! I wasent believed yet he has a history of rape I wasent aWare of! People then started noticing this man watching me too. Recently he took a parcel in for us! He tried getting me to go to his to get it I ignored him. I put a note on my front door telling the parcel people to drop off at any neighbours but his house

honeys it's narcissism it's everywhere us ASD just see it first and more than others because we spot the bullshit and injustice. stay strong and get smart about thier tactics, keep evidence and record if needed x 

Sounds like perfectly normal questions - at least to me.

I think we all worry to much about what others think now.. Things never used to like this.   I've enough problems worrying about my issues - let alone those of others.  If others want to get upset at your questions - so what.  Let them.  They have that right.  And you have the right to ask.

It sounds to me like you’re doing great. The problem is that NTs have created this bizarre language where everyone try’s to talk like a politician. Sod ‘em I say! If people recoil at being asked a blunt, but honest question, it’s their issue, not yours. The questions you asked above are all totally valid. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

I find that when i'm dealing with people who don't know I have autism they get really frustrated & are often unhelpful....

When they know I have autism from the start, They try harder, They don't get frustrated as easily, They want to help to make themselves feel better about themselves (apart from A-holes who aren't worth getting upset over), Things go a lot easier for me & for the people I am dealing with.

Hope this helps

Regarding offending new people..... I always find it best to lead by telling them I have autism with difficulties communicating, I'll then explain that it is not my intention to offend, But I'm anxious to know.....

Usually after reading that it makes them look at what comes after in a different light.... It's how I deal with phoning people I don't know as well, It usually gets a better response from people..... I still sweat buckets & freak out inside with the phone calls & Talking to people I don't know in person....

If that doesn't work you are dealing with an A-hole & you shouldn't let their unreasonable response get to you.

I try my hardest but fail miserably with people - it’s got to the point where it’s sapping the life out of me, I constantly feel one step away from giving up all together as I just can’t get it right. I wish I could offer advice, but the truth is that seeing how bad I am at social situations I’d fear anything I said would be poor quality advice. 

Same here, The council put me in a ground floor flat 12 years ago against the advice of my doctor, I have people hanging around outside my windows all the time making a noise, & people stomping around making all the noise they want upstairs affecting my anxieties badly... nobody will help....

My friend lived in an upstairs flat a few streets away around the corner in a building the same as this one, The woman downstairs from her would complain if they played music quietly threw their phones upstairs during the daytime, She would complain if they tried to sit in the garden away from her windows.... The council evicted my friend.... 

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In 2009 the kids on this estate set fire to somebodies bin under their kitchen window, an elderly lady upstairs from them ended up in hospital as the downstairs window frame caught on fire & filled the upstairs flat with toxic smoke..... The council & local fire department came around to all the properties during the next few weeks with paperwork telling everyone they had to store their bins 3 meters or more away from the buildings to prevent a risk to us if they are set on fire, I was more than happy to keep the bins away from the buildings & not be at risk....

2014 some new people moved in upstairs, On the local wheelchair bus service that used to pick me up & take me to the local adult autism service, The driver recognised the people moving in & informed me they had just been evicted from the area the driver lived by the council for antisocial behaviour toward half the people in her area... Great I thought, Trouble....

The people moved in & immediately started having very loud drunken fights with each other, Throwing furniture at each other that was constantly being piled up outside my windows.... I tried to blank it out with some music, Someone from another property started sending the police to the people fighting, The people upstairs assumed it was me sending the police.... They started sending the police round constantly accusing me & my girlfriend of fighting, We were asleep in bed half the time when the police started kicking on our door, We went to my sisters half way down the country one day & came back to 13 police constables attacking my door with a battering ram & a spike on a metal bar, This proved we weren't even at home & the police accepted our complaint of false police reports..... 

Then the people upstairs started pushing their bins up against the window next to my bed, propped open, full of dog muck & flammable packaging, I complained to the council & got replies, with photos from the council of the bins against our windows telling us our neighbours were doing nothing wrong.... Then they started making false complaints about us to the council, The council started  sending us warning letters saying they had no evidence we were doing these things BUT WE HAD BETTER STOP IT! We were seriously offended the council wouldn't listen to us, Even when we had CCTV evidence of them coming downstairs & threatening my girlfriend.....

I cut contact with the council for a while & started calling the police when my cameras caught evidence of the harassment, The people upstairs were warned to leave us alone repeatedly by the police, But they kept on setting off rape alarms outside our windows, banging the windows to make my dogs bark, Banging on the floor when my dogs start barking at fighting upstairs that could be heard in the next street....

Eventually my grandmother talked me into giving the council another chance with rehousing after I started planning getting a caravan & getting someone to tow us to the middle of nowhere, Our application for rehousing was accepted & we started talking to the council again....

Last year the council evicted the drunks from upstairs for threatening one of the other neighbours.... Two weeks later the council hand delivered a piece of paper saying it is a fire risk to have the bins against the building & a breach of tenancy, & they must be moved within 7 days or further action will be taken.....

It's almost as if the council intentionally allowed the drunks to put our lives at risk, & They definitely assisted them in harassing us..... I really don't understand, The local autism service even tied talking to the council about it during the time it was going on, So it's not how i'm explaining things....

It feels like Jr school all over again, & The playground bullies are incharge ignoring all the rules unless I break even the smallest one..... 

I could go on all day with stories like this,  I have examined every situation to see if I had done things wrong, I even resorted to keeping a group of friends with me 24/7 for a whole year to prove what I was saying.... They all agree I am doing nothing wrong..... I think we are subject to alot of discrimination because we are different, & We must all behave the same as NT's or be punished..... Unacceptable! Someone needs to enforce the acts of parliament put there to protect us from this sort of thing....

Stay strong, It seems to be happening to us all on the spectrum..... I'm starting to think we all need to start complaining to the same people at the same time in government, 1 person is easy to ignore, Loads of people can make a change as we are harder to ignore! 

Thank you Mrs Snooks, I'm sorry your struggling also. It exhausts me and it sounds like you too

Exactly! Why when people break the rules do they get a free pass? Usually they keep the friends and I get shunned. I complained about fly tipping on my allotment after I'd removed tonnes of stuff someone dumped and theyd done it again. I was seen as a trouble maker for complaining. There was a lady up this road I used to talk to but she started complaining she was depressed so I tried helping her and she posted ways to kill her husband on social media and even looked up a acid she said to resolve his body! So I spoke to her friend (also my friend) explaining I was concerned....no one talks to me now!

I could list so many things where I get pushed out and the person gets away with it.

I am also still failing at talking to people.

This really gets me down and I have been trying recently on some self-help to try and improve my mood and self-esteem. But it is very hard.  

I also try so hard and find it exhausting. 

Hang in there and don't give up. At least, that is what I am trying to tell myself too.

Sometimes it feels like I am the only person in the world who follows the rules, We aren't the ones with the problem, It's those who live life lying to each other & taking advantage of people who have the problem....

If they don't want to be your friend after finding out about your autism they are not worth knowing! Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad because you have autism, they are the bad ones for behaving like that!!!

What a nightmare! this is the kind of stuff I end up having. I think why do I struggle with such things yet others sail through. I hope you get it sorted, but also if you now require using a 3rd party its adding stress and yet more potential communication difficulties.

I've just told some potential new friends i have autism, i'm scared they'll think i'm odd further down the line and i'll lose yet more friends from misunderstanding. i like these people, they seem to be good people from what i can tell. i'm hoping i havent messed it up but then i'm trying to think its better now than months down the line. I told them also because they come into contact with the other people i told today (the chemical people) I sometimes wonder why we're odd for being honest and straight. NT tend to white lie and cover things up and its normal. Its odd to me.

I guess I ask people why their going against the rules, where as others ignore it. I dont know. Life is so complicated. Im now worried i'll lose these new potential friends as i have 1 friend but no real good friends really

I have a similar problem.... I am currently trying to be rehoused to a disabled adapted property, The council told me I must maintain contact with them..... I recently noticed they had sent our local MP information saying we had ended 5th & 7th for bids on properties on the local council website, I  questioned this as I had taken screenshots showing we had ended 1st & been ignored, I put a complaint into the council & got a reply saying they had bypassed our bids as the properties had stairlifts instead of a wheelchair lift, But they had also been ignoring the service that advised us to bid on those properties & wer trying to contact the council to arrange adaptations to make the properties suitable.....

Since all of that I have very politely tried to maintain contact with local housing & housing options, They have responded to my emails last week telling me to maintain contact via the complaints line & solicitors...... I have remained very polite though I have proof of their dishonesty in writing,...... I don't feel I have done anything wrong, & neither does my housing solicitor after I copied him in to the emails I sent to the council, My housing solicitor has now advised me I also need a discrimination solicitor....

I'm starting t think people like the council, & others just don't like their authority questioned, They seem to be power mad & take offence to that or any of their "orders" being questioned!

Stay strong, Don't stop trying because of illmanored people