Mental internal stimming thoughts

That's a really fascinating idea, and I certainly think there may be something to it. At the end of the day, even the obviously sensory stims are done for their effect on our mind one way or another, and it's well known now in cognitive science that thinking of a sensory stimulus activates many of the same brain regions as actually performing the action.

If we define stimming as a form of self-regulation of our mental state, rather than as a kind of external behaviour (and I do think that this is a better definition), then I think there are certainly examples of what you're talking about. For example, I spoke once with an autistic guy who calmed anxiety using his obsession with numbers - he'd do calculations, recite the values of mathematical constants, or look for numbers with certain properties (e.g. prime numbers, squares, cubes, etc.) For me, a common stim is reciting words, usually ones which make sounds that I like; sometimes real words, sometimes made-up ones. While it's certainly more satisfying to say them out loud, it is still beneficial if I only think of the words or read them.

Sadly, so much of the formal approach to defining autism suffers from it's origins in behaviourism - the idea that you just watch external behaviours without investigating the inner perceptions of the subject. That's why the diagnostic criteria focus so much on the social side of autism and repetitive behaviours - there's no mention at all of emotional regulation, shut-downs, burn-outs, nor many other things which autistic people experience as everyday aspects of being autistic. Thankfully, this is slowly changing now, and I think there is plenty of room to define stimming in a far broader sense than just sensory-seeking behaviours.

So stimming is a form to self regulate our mental state. It's interesting that I've noticed as my anxiety has come bsck recently, so have these thoughts. I don't know if I'm using them to calm myself. I don't know what is the cause or effect. I cannot switch off from this thought.  It's leaving my confused as I don't know what is a genuine feeling and what is just repetitive thoughts.

I certainly do repeat words, phrases, accents just because I enjoy the sound and the feel of them in my mouth and the way they tickle my brain. But I do that anyway even if I'm not anxious.

I cannot get songs out of my head. Usually just a rew lines over and over. It's not just that the song might be an ear worm. It's a case of, I wake up, it's there, it's in the background behind my current thoughts,  it's there when I go to sleep, it's there when I wake in the night. It'll be like this for a week or so then it'll be another song. I have to listen to it a lot. Not just because it's in my head but I want to just sing along and enjoy it and marry up what's going round in my head with the physical world. The singing of the song feels good. I think I have good pitch and like to try and harmonise or sing in tune.

I suppose it makes sense that the approach to defining autism is about behaviours as this is a way to actually observe it. But there is a heck of a lot of internal stuff going on.

out_of_step said:

But I do that anyway even if I'm not anxious

I think that might also be a useful measure of what is or isn't stimming. For most of us, it seems that the urge to stim comes from any heightened emotional state - elation just as much as anxiety - and stimming is usually felt as pleasurable even when there isn't any obvious trigger or "need" for it at all.

From having spoken to many other autistic people, I think that besides emotional regulation, there may be other purposes to stimming too (some of these would only apply to sensory-seeking stims)...

• To express an emotion which we're unable to put into words (hence why we might stim with joy).
• Distraction from overwhelming sensory inputs to help avoid melt-down or shut-down.
• As a "standard measure" to help work out the strength of other sensory inputs.
• To strengthen the connection between mind and body - especially for those of us who experience episodes of dissociation (the feeling that the world around us or even our own sense of self isn't quite "real").
• Just because it feels great, so why not enjoy it when you get the opportunity?

out_of_step said:

But I do that anyway even if I'm not anxious

I think that might also be a useful measure of what is or isn't stimming. For most of us, it seems that the urge to stim comes from any heightened emotional state - elation just as much as anxiety - and stimming is usually felt as pleasurable even when there isn't any obvious trigger or "need" for it at all.

From having spoken to many other autistic people, I think that besides emotional regulation, there may be other purposes to stimming too (some of these would only apply to sensory-seeking stims)...

• To express an emotion which we're unable to put into words (hence why we might stim with joy).
• Distraction from overwhelming sensory inputs to help avoid melt-down or shut-down.
• As a "standard measure" to help work out the strength of other sensory inputs.
• To strengthen the connection between mind and body - especially for those of us who experience episodes of dissociation (the feeling that the world around us or even our own sense of self isn't quite "real").
• Just because it feels great, so why not enjoy it when you get the opportunity?

It's just difficult because when you have been like this all your life, it's normal behaviour to me. I don't have any siblings so haveNT got anything to compare with.