Published on 12, July, 2020
I have recently been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I'm 25, so it was a bit of a shock to find this out so late, it's something that i have considered now for a few years, but as I have my friends and interests and was getting by I didn't feel it was important.
Until things seemed to get harder and harder, and I just felt more and more alienated and lonely and mainly a lack of understanding/misunderstanding, towards the way people behave. I'm quite a sensitive person and this is something that has got in the way of loads of things
I hate being so negative but I feel ashamed of it, ' autism ' and I am worried that my friends and family and the world, in general, will view me differently ( although I've chosen to keep it to myself mainly, I don't know if this is the best approach feeling the level of shame and anxiety I do.
At the moment I'm in denial and I just wish I could wish it away, but in the same breath I don't because I feel it makes me who I am too, I love art and music and poetry and view the world in a very artistic and abstract way due to these wonderful interests that im fortunate to have.
I want to feel like I can talk to people without panicking ( because I LOVE people ) and I have always accepted them for their differences and loved them for it, so it's hard with having a past of being called 'weird ' and ' a bit odd ' to have faith in humanity currently!
Can anybody offer me any advice?
I have yet to get a diagnosis, but I definitely felt a certain panic when it was suggested to me by the psychologist I was seeing for mental health issues I was having. This has gone down some what in the last 6 months or so as it all started to make sense, and I'm now on the waiting list for assessment. I'm sorry that it's making you feel shame and guilt - I hope in time you will come to see that it is just another facet of who you are, just as liking music and poetry, regardless of what people will think. That is easier said than done though!
One thing that I have found really helpful was/is watching youtubers/ vlogs of people on the spectrum, and them talking about their lived experiences. My favourites are Yo Samdy Sam, and Purple Ella but there are loads out there! It could give you the language and the confidence to talk about autism to other people without it being too big a deal?
Good luck, and you can always come here and find people who will say - "that's not weird, that's me'.