Published on 12, July, 2020
Until recently I’ve never really bothered about my aspergers, I just accepted I was a bit weird and got on with it. That is, until my girlfriend dumped me last August. Since then, I’ve had massive feelings of worthlessness, and being the only person in my family with autism. I kinda feel like a freak, constantly having to put on a performance to appear “normal”. I’ve also got dyspraxia, so i can be clumsy. I’m also not the best looking guy around. All of this adds up to me feeling so worthless and alone that I’m struggling to see a way out. And I feel like I’ve no one to talk to. And will never find someone who cares about me. Sorry, I just needed to vent
I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling.
As much as it's really difficult when a relationship breaks down, it's not a reflection on you as an individual - sometimes, people just aren't compatible, or they drift away from one another. It doesn't make you worthless, and you're not defined by others' opinions of you.
It might be good to talk to someone close to you about how you're feeling. If you don't feel able to do that, the Samaritans or the NAS Helpline would be able to listen and offer support.
Being autistic makes you unique - that's not a bad thing. The world would be boring if we were all the same. Clumsiness can feel awkward sometimes, but you're probably more conscious of it that anyone else is (and even if some people notice, try not to worry about it - they'll soon forget whatever happened). Also, when you say you're not the best looking guy around, that's completely subjective - people are attracted to different looks/features, and there are much more important things than what you look like. I've always valued personality before looks, and lots of people feel the same way.
Take care of yourself - I hope you start feeling better soon.