Published on 12, July, 2020
My mother made breakfast for my sister and I this morning, we're both on the spectrum. My sister was staring at me and hardly saying anything and frowning at me throughout the meal. She's staying here about a week. On the first day she came she was all sweetness and light but now she's become quiet and seems quite touchy. She makes a big deal out of almost anything I say, so I'm scared of talking about anything. Like she's picking everything apart in detail.
I said to her I could hear a lawnmower outside (just to make conversation as sitting in silence with someone staring is awkward) and then she said she couldn't, and it was probably a fan in the bathroom. She said this in a condescending way because I'm her little brother. She has a hearing impairment too so I didn't bother correcting her as I didn't want to embarrass her. Whatever I try to talk about at the moment, she makes some point to correct me. She can never seem to let a conversation just flow comfortably. When she corrects me she slows the conversation right down and talks in a slow, drawn out way and stares at me to check I agree with her correction. I feel like her ego is inflated.
Anyone have any insight into her behaviour?
Usually when someone is unpleasant or seems egotistical it's a projection of how they feel about themselves. It doesn't excuse the behaviour or make it more pleasant at all.
But it might help you…
Hi Roswell, how old is your sister roughly? And how often do you see her?
Hi, she's about 40 and I see her about once a month.
But it might help you a bit to think that your sister somehow needs to put you down to make her own self esteem feel higher. It doesn't work and it only fuels a bad atmosphere.
It sounds like you handle it very well by not 'biting ' and by being considerate.
When my mother puts me down and I feel upset, I try to remember that she does it due to her own poor self esteem and lack of anything interesting in her life and probably jealousy, real or imagined. Siblings can tend to be like that too.
Sometimes I think that family members get the worst of each other, unfiltered and without the social masking. We need to find ways to show our families respect while giving each other the space we need. I was talking to myself just then