Don't know where to turn anymore

iv had hate crime directed at me from a very inhumane evil not human person for 20ys and my landlords just delete all the stuff they find as evidence then tell the police there has never been any  iv been in out of mental hospital 6times  been on so much medication  which i have know come of including my blood pressure and statins i tend to have hobbies  to occupy my mind i swim 2 times a wk and take the dogs for a walk 3 times  and try to keep myself to myself these days. i never invite anyone to my home and i dont go to theirs or meet up anywhere if i get into a conversation with people either walking the dogs i keep it simple  its no point people can easily see im vulnerable and i know by experience they will just take advantage at some point  which will mess me up loads which i will be left to deal with on my own they woudnt care less as they will justify whatever they do to be ok i am  nearly 64 yr   i use to go the theatre and movies  on my own too yes it sad being on your own all the time i cry i a lot about it i hurt a lot but what can i do i i cannot change my condition all i can do i  is adjust to it .be aware of your strengths and your weakness and work out a plan for your self according to your needs I  have this condition so i have to do the best i can to find some joy and happiness and keep myself safe in a very wicked and criminal world we all live in iv only just been  givern this condition 

It's good to have a neighbour you like, I've never actually had a close bond with a neighbour anywhere I've lived yet. Hopefully the reverend is someone you can trust, play it by ear. I've often found it hard to say no to people too. Last year something awful happened to me because I didn't say no, something bad enough that I find it easier now. I finally lost my patience with pushy people. The other day I called up a housing charity for help and the woman on the phone just kept talking for about 3 minutes with me barely being able to get a word in, and she told me it was her who would be helping me, so I had agreed to meet her but realising I couldn't stand talking to someone like that because she was talking at me, I said I would be best dealing with it on my own and that I couldn't cope, said sorry then hanged up the phone.

I hope something positive comes out of the meeting.

I still haven't dared to confront the person who screwed me over. Just feel too sad about it.

Thank you - I'm on the look out for any sign of joy.

I have been where you are with the neighbpur thing. I moved in the end. But I would visit my toxic inlaws which I now know was a HUGE mistake. I live in a rather rough area, people care just for theelves and prey on people like myself. However, I'm still battling on somehow. Today I'd planned to recoup after a run in with some man who creeped me out. But just sitting in my car at a car park toy dropping off my child I met another undesirable for a nasty 'run in'. I want to move out of area but then I do know my neighbour here and feel safer than ever before because of her. The first pers I've trusted here in 15 years! So there are good people. I have a really good gp but I think she only works once a week and it seems her hands are tied in the red tape of the NHS. I've started vising our local pub. The landlord seems to be okay and asks if I'm okay but isnt pushy (as others have been and I find out they have a hidden agenda). I'll go in during quite times, have a coke, try to have to a conversation occasionally, look at my phone and I leave when I like! Accidentally info dumped plant related stuff onto a local who then left! Guessing because of me, I try hold it in! Also a few comments on stimming but I've let a couple if people know why i do this and i think they watch out for this! If i notice I'll stop and chew gum or fiddle with stuff as my stim is so completly obvious! I never even noticed really. I've started church as I like the building its calm. But theres some nosey people who fired too many questions at me and as I'm too honest I got home and panicked as I gave away too much personal info. It makes me want to hide up and not go out and it exhausts me that I want to sleep. I've decided to confide in the reverend as she seems nice. I'm hoping I can trust her it's a leap of faith as I barely know her. I wonder if she can perhaps save me from things like too many questions if shes sees me stuck. Or for example yesterday a pushy lady asked if I would knock door to door delivering xmas cards I said yes (another issue is I cant say no) but this would be awful for me so need to talk to the rev about that too. What I think I'm saying is just try sit In the library reading or the local pub (i read there too) or where ever suits you. I get that little bit of feeling that I'm not completely alone and I can leave at any time

I found out today, at long last, I'm having a couple of meetings in a few days with someone who volunteers to help people find community opportunities and someone involved in the NHS/social care so perhaps another assessment coming or potentially help.

I'm neither optimistic nor pessimistic about these, based on past experiences. I feel I have little control over what will happen so don't see the point in getting either excited or cynical, either way. 

I hope things really have got better for you Robert and you're not just putting on a brave face.

I hope you find more joy and peace soon Fraiselongue.

I feel like this today. People who said they would support me have lied, twisted things I've said and taken advantage of my trusting nature. I feel like there's nowhere to turn. I would like to step backwards and out of the world for a bit. 

I'm sorry you feel this way. It's horrible. Coming to terms with the fact that most people are selfish, dishonest, self-serving, is not a nice realisation. And then we're branded as weird or worse for being different.

I can't withdraw from life as I have a husband and daughter who need me but the constant pressure of dealing with unkind people is making me very low.

I tend to throw myself into a hobby, or go down a YouTube rabbit hole.

And I keep telling myself it will get better eventually. It always has before.

Sorry if I've made you feel even worse. It's been a particularly bad day amongst a few really awful months. I hope we both find a little joy soon. 

It's difficult to give practical advice, except to say that you have my sympathy and you are not alone.

For long periods of my life I felt a total disassociation from other people and society in general.

And feeling unwelcome and unsafe in multiple locations is a nightmare.  You need to find a safe space where you can relax and recharge.

I had similar problems in my youth, school was a nightmare with the bullying and going home was just as bad, with my father hating me and making it very clear that  he was ashamed of a weirdo like me.  And the neighbours were shunning not just me but me whole family.