Published on 12, July, 2020
... she basically said a lot of the symptoms I mentioned are similar to what others experience and I got the sense that she didn't believe that I actually have autism. I tried my best to express everything I go through, though I know I missed a lot out due anxiety and, well, autism - I find it very hard to explain things and yet in order to get help that's what I have to do and the whole thing is very stressful and frustrating. I've also only just realised recently that this is what I have and haven't got to a point where I understand it all and can articulate it yet.
The whole thing made me feel under the spotlight and I felt like I was desperately trying to prove that This is what I experience and This is where I need to be referred to please. It's like I've already questioned myself enough as to whether I actually have this or whether I'm just being melodramatic without feeling more under scrutiny from a doctor too. But then maybe I'm overreacting and it's just that she simply didn't confirm that I'm autistic like I'd wanted, rather than her thinking 'there's no way you're autistic'.
Idk if this makes that much sense at this point. Does anyone else feel like other ppl don't believe/understand them, even professionals? It's basically why I haven't told my family yet because I expect they'll be somehow dismissive.
She also said that the waiting list for an assessment is over a year, which is fine and all, what I expected, but the thing is I need to be applying for some benefits soon because I have no income. Do I have to wait until I'm definitely in some kind of service before I can apply for benefits? Presumably I will need to prove that I'm sick, but if I'm not currently getting any help, how can I do that? I guess I could have a panic attack in front of whoever it is that decides whether you get benefits or not.
I have an assessment in 6 months for some kind of general therapy so that's a little sooner at least.
Any advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated because I'm feeling a little on my own with this right now.
Wow a year is nothing....over 5 years here! I was told their not putting any more adults through for now :( I myself cant fake stuff like panic attacks, I think it's why I dont get listened to if I'm genuinely Ill. I dont show the dramatic emotion that others do
That was meant to be a joke. I obv can't fake panic attacks. I had one last week at a support group for anxiety etc (irony!). I've had them throughout my adult life w/o knowing that that's what they were - I thought for it to be a panic attack you had to collapse or make a scene somehow, whereas I've always panicked quietly with nobody noticing most of the time.
And a 5 year wait is ridiculous. Maybe they're trying to win some kind of an award for inadequacy.
Ah I struggle with jokes and seriousness! Especially online it's a mine field. I actually have started telling someone I speak to that I dont know if hes joking or not. Hes working on that I think.
To be fair it wasn't funny so maybe 'joke' was the wrong word. 'Tongue in cheek' probably fits better.
I struggle with that in real life but I'm usually pretty good with writing.
Now that I think about it though there have been times when I've had to read things over and over before getting a sense of whether it was serious or not. And sometimes my brain just doesn't work at all. It's weird because sometimes I feel very attuned to things that I'm reading, then a few hours later it's the opposite, like my mind has vanished and I might as well be looking at hieroglyphics.
This turned into a ramble, sorry. I'm still trying to figure things out.