*Autistic Shutdowns collection* - Do you experience these ?

> Can't talk, can't process, retreat to safe place, sit and just sit, normally stimming. Can't control thoughts.

I don't think I've had the classic shut down experience that Raindrops on Roses described there.

For me, its more like "I'm DONE".

As if I have assessed the situation from a vantage point high above myself and have decided (like Ripley in Aliens) to "nuke it from orbit".

The bomb has "exploded", but my behaviour is not explosive.

Its super calm. My sole focus is removing myself physically from the situation as fast as possible. I will politely make some excuses and LEAVE.

It almost feels like some strange form of meditation. Like I retreat inside my own mind and leave my body as an empty husk. I’m still somewhat aware of my surroundings though. I freeze when I can’t make decisions/start to doubt myself or when I become too aware of my own mind/body.

There’s definitely been times that I’ve wished myself normal. But more recently, I’ve been more accepting of my own quirks and traits and just wish I would be able to function somewhat adequately. Even though I still don’t really feel like I know myself, if you got rid of those quirks and traits, it wouldn’t really be me anymore. 

I wouldn’t say I’m particularly good at reading people, but when I know someone is in distress, I really struggle with it. It’s the same when there’s any kind of conflict or tension.

its good to explain all these things,you both experience. Will neuro-typicals every get such special thoughts. If u had a wish,,,,  would u wish yourself normal ?

Wow I don’t know what to say. I find it extremely difficult to explain what I experience. I have bipolar disorder so I worry that a lot of the more surreal stuff was just manic delusions. Because close to everything makes me anxious, it’s extremely easy for me to get an adrenaline rush. Just writing these last few comments has made me feel so alive.

I've called myself pathologically empathetic. I find walking to the shops hard as i just read people's emotions and then i'm distraught at the state of the world and people's lives, misery, loneliness and trauma.

i absorb tensions happening between others and struggle to be in their presence.

And I can read strangers. Friends get me to say what i think an unknown person's life has involved from split second encounters with them, when they know them already. I can think into their bodies and just start summarising stuff. It's spooky and spooks them. And often i can't say what i see cos there's stuff people will want to keep private. Strangely seeing them in my periphery vision works best, and then i read about an accupuncturist who diagnoses patients like this.

Luckily I can chose not to read people, though it takes effort; and if they're engaging with me then it mostly drops away as it's a subconscious thing that i have to zone into. It makes me easy to talk to as people realise i've twigged, but also people can end relationships with me when they want to keep stuff hidden:(

i can rarely ever watch tv because of this.

That's what I've started call it: flight or fight, but I 'freeze'. And it's weird, there's kinda a nothingness and an everythingness, or hyper awareness, at the same time. For me it's fundamentally thoughts overwhelming me when i get conflicting information (body language not equating to their words or actions), or i just can't make sense of what's going on. You describe it better than me, esp as shutdown implies nothing is happening.

i have never met anyone like u ?  u sound absolutely extraordinary.

do u think you could start a thread about something you wound like to talk about. I think there will be a lot of interest in you views.

hope to talk again

Thank you for being so welcoming. I think I might be a super-empath and I experience physical empathy of sorts. For example, if I see someone with a missing limb, my corresponding limb starts to feel kind of numb. For this reason, I also struggle to watch violent/medical scenes in tv shows/movies. The thought of experiencing Virtual Reality sounds absolutely terrifying to me because watching tv already kind of feels like that but on a much smaller scale.

thats a very interesting shutdown...   I had a big one today i watched a Youtube about a real life gun battle in USA. As the battle/chase proceeded suddenly something triggered me and i just made it to my bed - i was out for 2 hours and woke up really cold and very groggy.

first time a video has triggered me ever. 

thanks for u're input 

good to hear from u 

contact me anytime about anything

I experience this sensation that I’ve come to call “freezing”. I easily get overwhelmed by the various types of stimulus in the outside world and all of the conflicting thoughts inside my head. I end up feeling confused and unable to make decisions and as a result I enter a semi-catatonic state where I become unable to do anything. I feel like I enter a state of hyper-awareness, it’s so surreal. You know if you become too aware of your own breathing it just doesn’t feel natural anymore? I feel like I become too aware of my own thought processes and as a result they end up feeling the same way.

just digging this one up in hope more newbies can contribute

hmm, that's something that i struggle with too, unresolved issues. I can block them out, or struggle to rest, or sometimes talking to someone for ages about it. 

I find that if your in a calm environment then yes breathing exercises help. 

But if you are not in a calm environment I.e contentious /confusing environment then no amount of breathing exercises is an effective remedy.

In all, unless I have a space to decompress without aspersions I am certainly going to have a meltdown.

If I feel something is unresolved or someone's is unpleased with me I can't rest. 

yes i have found if I do a 30min mediation ( following breath ,"sitting still"  Zen meditation [pretty difficult])  each day during lunchtime ( about to do one now !) that i have removed my shutdowns by approx 95%. If I miss  say 2 days of meditation they start to return again.  

Has anyone got tips on managing shutdowns, or even stopping them in their tracks?

They interfere in my life. I can imagine a therapist suggesting CBT, but I wonder if it's neurological if that's worth it.

And my best friend gets them to a really dehibilitating point which I think is really ruining his life. He can't deal with the tiniest bit of upset/conflict. He's been having them with me for 10 months and even I'm running out of patience with him.

thanks for this big detailed contribution. Yes shutdowns are a major life changing trait. Clearly you suffer from them quite a lot. 

Thanks

I shutdown a lot, sometimes in absolute turmoil inside, sometimes in panic, sometimes just out of total incomprehension at what's happening, and sometimes I'm just zoning out. Others have done much better jobs of describing the process, but to add I shutdown though when good things happen too but that are overwhelming.

In romantic situations when someone makes a move on me I simply can't reciprocate, freeze, go non verbal, and so confuse people, and lose them. I realise now I struggle to read what are the contradictory messages of flirting and that overwhelms me. On a date with someone I like I start to shut down sometimes days before and lose all my playfulness and sparkle. I think it's cos I can't handle not knowing what the outcome will be. Again it sends a disinterested signal.

The best guy I've ever met (I'm gay) made a move on me last year after a year's worth of really intimate friendship. He's clearly on the spectrum too which I guess is why we were so at ease with each other. I froze, for a whole 8-9 hours sharing a bed while awY together, like total total shutdown. Although it was the thing I most wanted I couldn't make sense of what he was doing. It's taken me until now to gain the confidence to tell him I wanted to cuddle him back. Yeah, doh, we were in bed together!

The exact same thing happened at the start of my first relationship, though we did manage to get together a few months later. I am conscious both these may be trauma induced dissociation, rather than related to the everyday type of AS shutdowns I experience.

I can shutdown when someone is really kind towards me, or a nice surprise happens. A lot of my moments of joy seem to get muted.

I'm not sure how often I shutdown, but now I've got a name for it, read some other experiences, I think I'll spot it more and more. I'm pretty sure it's the most debilitating thing about my AS, maybe trumped only by a sense of not being able to truly connect with people.

I'm more the meltdown type. My brother was the one who did the shutdowns. However, he ended up the normal one.