*Autistic Shutdowns collection* - Do you experience these ?

just digging this one up in hope more newbies can contribute

I experience this sensation that I’ve come to call “freezing”. I easily get overwhelmed by the various types of stimulus in the outside world and all of the conflicting thoughts inside my head. I end up feeling confused and unable to make decisions and as a result I enter a semi-catatonic state where I become unable to do anything. I feel like I enter a state of hyper-awareness, it’s so surreal. You know if you become too aware of your own breathing it just doesn’t feel natural anymore? I feel like I become too aware of my own thought processes and as a result they end up feeling the same way.

That's what I've started call it: flight or fight, but I 'freeze'. And it's weird, there's kinda a nothingness and an everythingness, or hyper awareness, at the same time. For me it's fundamentally thoughts overwhelming me when i get conflicting information (body language not equating to their words or actions), or i just can't make sense of what's going on. You describe it better than me, esp as shutdown implies nothing is happening.

I guess that makes me feel a bit less weird

Yours sounds more acute than mine. Mine only gets triggered when I'm overwhelmed, mostly dating, then it happens loads.

Yeah, I've known other autists not have strong sex drives. I don't. But when I get into a relationship my sex drive seems to be ome normal. What i don't do is objectify someone, which is partly what you need to do for sex. My desire comes about through intimacy. So maybe you'll find you'll have more interest than you think. A few of my autistic friends said they were asexual until they met someone they actually fell in love with. And then there are women out there who feel the same, or don't want sex for other reasons. I could even see it being a positive if you put it on your dating profile. Not with most women, but enough.

I feel trapped because I crave intimacy but I have the self awareness to know that I’m vulnerable and very dependent on my close family. Even if I was in a position to date, I’m socially inept and I have an unconventional sexuality which would make it even more problematic. I’m attracted to women but I’m not particularly interested in sex.

What you’re describing definitely sounds similar to what I experience. If I become too aware of my right hand, I just can’t move it anymore. I struggle to answer questions at the best of times, but even when I know what to say, if I become too aware of my own mouth and anticipate myself giving an answer, I just can’t say anything.

thanks for contributing to this collection

No, being autistic is both the making and undoing of me. Same as being gay, making and undoing of me. Childhood and teens were hard, awful even, but 16+ things started to improve and by 22 were good. I'm a happy autist fundamentally apart from being single.

Yeah, I relate to that not being in my body, that it becomes a shell. It freezes and becomes super hard to control and get to do anything. I become super self conscious and fearful of moving. It really gets in the way when someone makes a move on me, i shutdown, freeze, and send all the wrong signals.

It almost feels like some strange form of meditation. Like I retreat inside my own mind and leave my body as an empty husk. I’m still somewhat aware of my surroundings though. I freeze when I can’t make decisions/start to doubt myself or when I become too aware of my own mind/body.

There’s definitely been times that I’ve wished myself normal. But more recently, I’ve been more accepting of my own quirks and traits and just wish I would be able to function somewhat adequately. Even though I still don’t really feel like I know myself, if you got rid of those quirks and traits, it wouldn’t really be me anymore. 

There’s definitely been times that I’ve wished myself normal. But more recently, I’ve been more accepting of my own quirks and traits and just wish I would be able to function somewhat adequately. Even though I still don’t really feel like I know myself, if you got rid of those quirks and traits, it wouldn’t really be me anymore.