*Autistic Shutdowns collection* - Do you experience these ?

I was going to save this til later but since I just experienced one I think I should write it down now.

So the the sun woke me up earlier than I wanted it too and I couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up, did my routine, sat here and responded to a comment and then started watching some Trailer Park boys.

But everything felt wrong.

The stimuli in my body was wrong like I could feel processes that I dont want to feel, the feel of the air on my skin was wrong like the heat from my body was at battle with the cold air, everything just felt like conflict... and it was too much, I had to shut down.

So i crawled onto my bed and did something that I only learnt the label for recently, stimming. All those movements that i do that irritate other people, the things I would get told off for in school like swinging on my chair or having the table pressed against my face, stimming. The flicking and the destruction of fragile objects close to hand, stimming. So that's what i did and for the first time realised what was happening. So I was flicking my foot for what seemed about 10 mins (we'll never know how long it was) and then finally the processes in my body seemed to level off, everything seemed to reach an equilibrium... but that wasn't the end of it.

The stimming stopped and i felt okay but i couldn't move, my brain was saying "alright time to get up now" but nothing, its like the sheer amount of energy/will power/connection that it would take to engage my body is just to much. So i lay there, again for what feels like a short time, then i get little movements back, little flicks of my nails on my hand, extending a finger to touch the wall in front of me. the flicking then turns into tapping which becomes a little pattern of music? beat? I get some use of my arms back and i try to keep momentum, keep the swinging and the tapping going, and then eventually, and again I didnt realise this till now, i let out an "argh!" or a growl and im finnaly able to swing myself up from my core, then sit there staring as i gather the energy to move. Funny thing is, i don't remember getting off the bed, I found myself in my chair where I am now, clearly having made some sort of decision to be here, so here I am, writing about the experience.

Does this help? Because it has certainly helped me!

yes of course it helps,,,,, the shut downs all vary greatly and someone will be just like you  ---- thats how u will be helping others 

thanks for your contribution :)

yes of course it helps,,,,, the shut downs all vary greatly and someone will be just like you  ---- thats how u will be helping others 

thanks for your contribution :)