Recently diagnosed adult and not coping well

my favorite term is "the happy aspies". Just so positive These are the groups of IT/science experts who are to busy creating new stuff . They dont want to or care about being diagnosed They are now prized employees.

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago, I'm 45. My reaction surprised me, as it's been a running joke.

My childhood reframed, and I appreciate your comment about feeling 'more disabled' or 'less confident', this rings true with me.

I'm very confident in myself via mechanisms I've built to deal along the years, I'm happy to be 'odd' and without many friends, however this has hit me a little. I'm more conscious of my impact on others, I feel tired of being me on days.

I was diagnosed with ADHD-C a couple of years back with a note on Asperger's traits, I've only recently got the formal diagnosis after a private assessment with a Shrink, and it's been quite odd in my experience. It's like having all my options to 'improve' taken from me.

I don't have emotional attachment to people, and the positive is that my family now understand this, they reacted positively, as did my wife, it's not all bad.

I'm on a roller coaster, good days and bad, nothing massively dramatic, I'm just processing the day as it comes and my awareness shifts.

On Reddit someone described it as similar to grief, albeit I don't have that experience in deaths, conceptually you will pass through stages, frustrated, angered, hopeless, acceptance etc.

I see that, I was after first shell shock (even when expecting it) I was angry, the way I was labelled and treated as a kid, the disruptive naughty good for nothing, ADHD & ASD wasn't well known then.

It's getting easier, people are generally positive, I'm just dealing with the heighted awareness that can be unsettling for me as I see how I am, unable to change.

It won't get worse, only better, self awareness is always a positive, and that's how I ride it out.

Hi All,

Thanks so much for the flood of speedy replies. Back at work today and really comforted to hear that my experience is not uncommon. It's definitely going to be an slow burner coming to terms with the new diagnosis and figure out what if anything I should be changing/adjusting in my life but it's very reassuring to know their are friendly folk on here to lend and ear :)

Gafa

Exactly, I agree with you- concentrate on that you are still the same person

Could I suggest you force yourself to do nothing for a couple of weeks? Don't change anything, don't take any actions, don't tell anybody (that you haven't already told), don't let this impact how you approach family and work.

You probably can't stop yourself from thinking about it, but you're still the same person, all the things that you have done well to get a job, all the things that help you live a relatively normal life are all still worth doing. This is your opportunity to sit back and go, "Wow! I've struggled but look what I achieved without this important knowledge. Maybe I'm better at this 'life' thing than I realised."

That small amount of time gives you the chance to reflect on what does work well for you, and lets you plan what you should do if you want change in your life. It's possible to change an awful lot but do it deliberately without losing all the good things too.

Exactly I agree with you - no one is disordered. Everyone is different and unique. What they tell you and what one thinks are of course different because, as you suggest, give it time and we may see how things are not always as they seem and the world in its complexity is not a matter of generalisation but there is good and bad on this planet and we must focus on the good and there is goodness in loving eachother. How do humans learn or know how to love their human family? It is through loving feelings and acts of kindness. We are all learning to love. Some people feel love more keenly I believe. I have read that golden retrievers are one of the most sensitive of dogs. They are a type of dog so still a dog but different to another type of dog that may not be so sensitive. So because of that they can help people. When people learn to love that is a great thing. Incidentally, I have also read that the loudest bark currently is held by a golden retriever dog. So they can be sensitive and also loud. We are all different. We need to have faith that love will be all we need.

I understand how you feel so not worry. I am sure that many people have thought that they are struggling or that they are different. It’s ok to be different and every human is different from one another and as long as we have love for each other as humans that is all that matters because other good things will follow on. Just focus on that and forget it if any one dares to tell you different.  Have confidence that as long as you are a loving person don’t listen if people try to make you feel that you are less. If you are a good person then consider that perhaps this aspect of you has not and will not change. Feel the love. Give love. Best wishes to you.

If you reply I will chat with you because that will help you get over the feelings that our society instigates through generalised labelling and false information. It may help you to think that rather than being ‘disordered’ you are simply different and unique which is common and the same for every human on this planet. We are all ourselves and at the same time we are all part of the same human family and I think that probably none of us fully understands the world or ourselves. We are all in this together. Let us share good values and love one another.

Peace.

Indeed. As you pointed out, the profession doesn't use the term Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) because its deemed negative, hencr the re-naming to Autism Spectrum Condition (ASC). Nor for that fact do they use the terms "Aspergers Syndrome" or "High Functioning Autism"

I feel your pain. Diagnosed at 54 (this year) and work as a hardware design engineer in Aerospace. Politics here makes the working environment stressful and toxic. Luckily, next I can afford to reduce down to a 3 day week. 

Hello there,

Similar situation here, I'm about a year after my diagnosis, and like every single person who gets a diagnosis as an adult, I am still coming to terms with it, even though I knew for years In my own mind.

All I can say is give it time, there's nothing wrong with any of us, we just think in a slightly different way to other people, mostly a better way I believe.

All the best

That's normal just don't let it limit you, you have a disability but try and actually find out what you can actually do instead of what you can not plus (rarely) there are things that you might be able to do but not those without autism can not. 

Hi Gafa - I'm in the same position. I got an NHS diagnosis a few months ago that I waited 19 months for and wanted to come out positive because if it didn't I would have been back to square one looking for why I suffer recurring anxiety and depression and want to run away from everything sometimes.

Now I have my diagnosis I'm getting waves of elation and annoyance (as much as anyone with alexithymia can get waves of anything!).

yea thats what happens i have dyslexia and ASC.   ASC = ASD . 

The dyslexia I knew about, but the ASC I did not. i thought when i went for the test for ASC I would be told to go away stop wasting their time inside i was clearly on the spectrum. I could nt speak when they told me,,,,  like what ?  for 2 -3 weeks i was very unstable, i started getting memories coming back this time being rerun . Now they made sense. Yep i am still coming to terms with it and relaxing more as I know the true issue. Everything now makes sense to me. yep i work with NTs all day have kids and a job and a dog.  I started to watch videos and reading all I could about autism. I spotted some traits that where not picked up eg doodling in meetings is a type of stimming, also my tinnitus, eczema  and dyslexia  are highly associated with ASC. likewise I have anxiety. My anxiety is very lowered by self hypnosis and now meditation.  

It like i was driving along and someone shot my front tyre out,,, i was all over the place then i got a bit more control but still swerving down the run. Now I am running straight with new tyres but driving a bit slower for a while  !  

Hi Gafa

Welcome aboard!

You're not in a unique position - lots of us on here are diagnosed as adults - mainly because we're old farts and there was no diagnosis available back in the day - we were just seen as a bit odd - but we masked so well that we hid in plain sight until life got too complex and we couldn't fake it any more.   

I was diagnosed at 42 - I always knew I was very different but a friend's wife, a teacher, mentioned I had all the traits.

It's been useful - I know why I preferred to work on my own, had difficulty relating to others and all the other social problems.

I spent a long time re-running all the negative social interactions over in my mind realising just how naive and child-like my capabilities are and how easy I am to manipulate and bully.     It really knocks your confidence.    I was diagnosed as depressed too - it seems to be the default early diagnosis for us when we come onto the radar of the local mental-health services.

I'm in my 50s, married with a child - and I'm a chartered engineer - but I cannot cope in a political / manipulative environment - like I'm going into battle completely unarmed!

Have good look at the forum - you'll see lots of common traits - get comfy and settle in.