Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m interested in the perspectives of both ASD and NTs who married ASDs.
I’m engaged and we had planned our wedding for the start of this year but decided to postpone 6 weeks before because I was too poorly (vestibular migraine) and the church and hotel we had booked were both messing us about.
The thing is, we didn’t enjoy planning a single aspect of our wedding. We found it a massive chore and in no way exciting, romantic or anything else. While we both know we definitely want to be with each other and we definitely want to get married, we don’t want to be burned out by all the prep.
On the other hand, we feel that eloping wouldn’t be right for us as we do want to be able to celebrate with our families. I would feel I had missed out a massive milestone if my dad didn’t walk me down the aisle, and I’m certain he would feel the same.
I know you’ll all say, “It’s your wedding, you can do it however you want,” but really what I’m looking for is concrete examples of things that worked for people with autism. For example, one idea we are toying with is having a small, formal service in a chapel with our very immediate families and then throwing a bigger party/reception a few months later for the wider family and a few friends. Neither of us really like being the centre of attention anyway.
Along with Asperger’s, I also have a number of physical health problems which cause fatigue and pain so that is a limiting factor too.
Often it can seem like the groom is a guest at his own wedding because, more often than not, the bride takes all the worry of organizing the wedding day into her own hands. A phrase from the famous movie "Bride Wars" comes to mind: "The last month before the wedding is like a test for a couple. A test of how they act together, solve problems, communicate. The first burst of happiness is behind them. Some couples develop serious contradictions in their relationship. For other couples who are happy, the harmony of their relationship becomes even more apparent." During this period, it is especially important for the groom to be involved in the overall process and to provide his support. That's exactly what I tried to do on my wedding day, taking all the important moments into consideration. True, one minus was that I ordered the suit only a week before the wedding from www.gentlemansguru.com/. But for the most part, there were no jams.
All the worry and I think a lot of the fun. Still I think expensive weddings are a waste. book your local church. buy a nice dress, nice cake. Book the local village hall for the reception. Bish bash bosh done. The moment you're looking at out of town hotels in scenic locations and flower petals and ribbons you're just throwing money away.
But yeah girls get the fun as well as the worry. Would I choose to get married in a penguin suit looking like a matradee? No I'd dress up as he man or in some outrageous 80s inspired outfit that would look more appropriate in a glam rock band. Or something even weirder. How about this if they get to pick our outfits how about we get to pick theirs? Then we can put them in the kind of outfit you see in dodgy web game pop up ads, 'Join our medieval kingdom building sim now my lord' kind of thing.
One thing I'd like to see is something for the kids. Kids put up with so much going to long boring weddings. So I was thinking supper soakers taped under the seats. Then at the signing of the registry we announce the water fight and put a bounty on the mother of the brides hat.
And of course if the brides friends drag her off to see the Chippendales it empowering. If the stag party books a striper its sleazy.
sigh this is why I'll probably never be married.