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If you’re married, what was your wedding day like?

Nessie
over 4 years ago

I’m interested in the perspectives of both ASD and NTs who married ASDs.

I’m engaged and we had planned our wedding for the start of this year but decided to postpone 6 weeks before because I was too poorly (vestibular migraine) and the church and hotel we had booked were both messing us about.

The thing is, we didn’t enjoy planning a single aspect of our wedding. We found it a massive chore and in no way exciting, romantic or anything else. While we both know we definitely want to be with each other and we definitely want to get married, we don’t want to be burned out by all the prep.

On the other hand, we feel that eloping wouldn’t be right for us as we do want to be able to celebrate with our families. I would feel I had missed out a massive milestone if my dad didn’t walk me down the aisle, and I’m certain he would feel the same.

I know you’ll all say, “It’s your wedding, you can do it however you want,” but really what I’m looking for is concrete examples of things that worked for people with autism. For example, one idea we are toying with is having a small, formal service in a chapel with our very immediate families and then throwing a bigger party/reception a few months later for the wider family and a few friends. Neither of us really like being the centre of attention anyway.

Along with Asperger’s, I also have a number of physical health problems which cause fatigue and pain so that is a limiting factor too.

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    We got married 16 years ago in November. I did not know I had ASD at the time and I was in a pretty good place at the time. However looking back I can see my ASD in my wedding plans. Didn't want the big wedding as although I am an only child I have loads of family and didn't want a big crowd. So we went to St Lucia and got married out there just with both sets of parents on the beach.Parents came for a week, us for two weeks and we got married on the beach the day before they came back. When we got back to the UK 2 weeks later we had a party at the local pub with about 100 people, nothing fancy just a buffett and a knees up.

    Do what works for you, people just accept diffrent weddings now. I have been to three weddings in the last year and all were diffrent, one very small, one massive. Do what is right for you and your partner, don't be preassured by others to do what they think you should do. 

Reply
  • over 2 years ago

    We got married 16 years ago in November. I did not know I had ASD at the time and I was in a pretty good place at the time. However looking back I can see my ASD in my wedding plans. Didn't want the big wedding as although I am an only child I have loads of family and didn't want a big crowd. So we went to St Lucia and got married out there just with both sets of parents on the beach.Parents came for a week, us for two weeks and we got married on the beach the day before they came back. When we got back to the UK 2 weeks later we had a party at the local pub with about 100 people, nothing fancy just a buffett and a knees up.

    Do what works for you, people just accept diffrent weddings now. I have been to three weddings in the last year and all were diffrent, one very small, one massive. Do what is right for you and your partner, don't be preassured by others to do what they think you should do. 

Children
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